Love Dolls

By Panchamee Hewavissenti

Ever since I started loving my boyfriend, he never told me the most precious and succulent three words in the world, ‘I Love You.’ I yearned to hear it from him. I don’t know what a devoid is that. Perhaps he might have felt shy to tell “I Love You” to my face.

As far as I can remember, I first met Brad at our newly bought apartment at Lancashire. His family was our neighbour. Brad at his childhood was very reserved and self contained with a dash of pride in his nature. He soon got friendly with my brother Hoby, but not with me.

I can still remember, when I joined to play with them, he quickly strode out of our garden. He was very shy to play with me or speak with me. One day when I gave him some sweets that my dad had bought for me, he bashfully turned away from me and flew home at the blinking of an eye.

It was on my sweet sixteenth birthday that he first looked at me directly and touched me. I left an invitation at his place even though I knew his coy ways that he is shy to face me. As I’ve never expected he was present at my birthday party. He was scintillating among my other friends.

“Many happy returns of the day,” he shook my hand, whilst giving an equivocal glance at me, pinching my palm slightly. I was startled by his pinch. It gave a chill right through my back. My maiden romantic feelings about a guy. I was feeling the strange and erotic feelings that Brad gave me, throughout the party. My eyes followed every movement of him. I missed him badly when he left my place after the party.

I eagerly opened the nicely wrapped box which Brad gifted me.

“Lovely doll.” My gaze wandered all over the doll zealously with an instant laugh.

“Mmm very funny guy.” I slightly shook my head side ways and stepped towards the window, on seeing the tiny piece of paper attached to the doll’s leg.

“Come to the window as you see this.”

I saw him clung on to the window with a gaze wandered anxiously over my room. I clapped my left hand to my forehead and looked down with an uncontrollable laughter.

“My heavens he’s been waiting there for one and a half hours”. He held a big placard as to see me something written on it with dark chalk.

“Can you give me your mobile number.”

I rushed to my table, quickly wrote down my mobile number on a placard and showed him. Within half a minute he sent a text on my mobile.

“Can you meet me at the railway station at old Denvonshire town.”

The young man, well built, fresh complexioned and a slight crisp blonde beard had dressed in a black overcoat and a red T-shirt and grey denim, which made him look what he was, a smart, fashionable youngster.

“Hi Gloria.” He looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Hi Brad, you look remarkably dashing today.”

“You look very alluring and so sweet Gloria, you are really pretty.” Though as a girl I expected such an exaggerated kind of comments from him that most of guys use to flatter their girlfriends, he smiled at me coyly and looked down instead of admiring me, without even thanking for my comments.

He gave me a doll when we departed.

“Gloria I like to meet you tomorrow as well.”

We used to meet each other constantly. WE rambled about together, in silence for the most part. He gave me a doll every time we met. We’ve been together as very good friends for eight months. I was according to him, his best friend. He was according to me, not only my best friend.

Our relationship, as I felt was something beyond the boundaries of a merely friendship. As he got closer to my thoughts and life, there were kind of romantic feelings begetting in me. I had the constant urge to tell him “I Love You.” But I was bit hesitated to tell that lest I would loose a good friend in case he didn’t like it.

I wanted him to take the precedence in telling “I Love You,” I was ever ready to hear that.

Ten months had been passed in secret to us. Still we remained as best friends. I was eagerly waiting for the day he would hold me tight and give a kiss on my forehead and tell “I Love You.” For my misfortune he never wanted to say those three most beautiful words.

“Brad, if someone is in love with someone, how to tell the person that he is being loved.”

“Go tell the person.”

“How to tell that?”

“It depends on the individual. The person can say that as he or she may wish.”

“Brad come on, is there any particular sentence that is used to express love, such as “I miss you.” “I brought Brad on the verge of telling “I Love You.” He casted an bewildered look at the sky.

“Come on Brad, come on, say it’s I Love You. Say I love you. Common Brad. There is only one sentence in the world to express love. Every body knows that. So do you... Come on... why don’t you say it’s I Love You.” My thoughts were relaying fast. My heart was beating at a rate of hundred and seventy two times a minute.

He looked down with his hands deep in his trouser’s pocket, and his chin upon his chest. Brad finally broke the silence between us.

“Shall I catch you a taxi Gloria. We’re already late. “He stretched his neck towards the road.

I couldn’t curb my young feelings any more.

“Brad,” I held his hand tightly. He looked at me in astonishment.

“Brad, I Love You.”

Don’t let there be any mistake about that. I know it, I feel it. I don’t want to argue about that. A woman can tell easily enough when a man loves her. But you are still silent. And we can never be the same until it’s cleared.”

He returned no reply. His features of the face were absolutely devoid of any expression. He slipped his hand slowly from my hand, fixed a large blue eyes on me with a strange wild stare. He implied brisk kind of a way. His lips were parted to mummer out something.

“Any way Gloria, we are already late. I’ll catch you a taxi.” He said hurriedly. And he didn’t say that he wants to meet me on the following day as usual.

“Don’t be disheartened Gloria. You are just my best friend. I can’t treat you as a girlfriend.”

So I had to be content with his answer, though it was the first time that there had been an uncomfortability after we have become friendly.

I faced a dilemma. “Does he merely treat me as a friend, as he gets on with other girls? But as I now he doesn’t give dolls to other girls. I’ve seen him many times very closely in girl’s company. “I felt guilty.”

“I made a mistake by venting my very true feelings before him. I must’ve been had little patience till he says, “I Love You.”

Brad and I have been got on with each other fondly and happily. We haven’t had a difference, in words or deeds. And now since last evening there has suddenly sprung up a barrier between both of us. I was under the influence of extreme emotion. I sat silent for a long time, with my chin upon my hand, lost in thought.

It was my seventeenth birthday. I invited Brad for the party. But Brad didn’t come for my birthday party. I guessed the reason for his absence at the party was due to what happened between us on the previous day. This sickened me of Brad. I was too perturbed in my mind to treat my friends properly at the party.

After all had left the party, I desperately stepped towards the window. I saw him cling on to the window and looking in my direction as he was exactly an year ago. When he saw me he disappeared in a blink.

“He’s on bad terms with me.” After a minute I got a text message from him.

“Can you come down to the road?”

There was a huge part of anger against Brad glowed in the vast recess of my stomach.

“What the deuce for? If you can’t love me. Why do you want to meet me? “I threw all the dolls down the window which Brad gave me. My love towards him had turned to a hostility, I refused to meet him at that night. I closed my window with a huge noise.

After half an hour I again opened the window. Brad was still holding the grills of his window and glancing in my direction. I rushed into my room. I passed my hand over my forehead, like a half dazed man and fell rather than sat on the bed. I could again get up after five minutes. I took my mobile and started punching keys.

“End of our closeness...! I don’t want you any more. You destroyed all my hopes. You are so proud and hurt me.”

My mobile beeped once again.

“I am sorry Gloria. I’ve something to give you for your birthday. Please please come out to the road...”

“What on earth for.” I said to my self. Any truth is better than indefinite doubt. I descended down the steps. The clock tower struck 12 in the mid night. I opened the gate. Brad was at the gate holding something in his hand.

“I don’t want anything from you Brad.” I gave a violent start and a kind of gasping cry when I spoke. “If you have anything to say, I can give you five minutes. For heavens sake get lost after that.”

“Gloria I am not on bad terms with you. Many happy returns of the day.” He stretched his right hand. I looked aside.

“I have said nothing to pain Gloria. Accept this small gift from me.” I looked at the gift indignantly. It was a doll as usual. I grabbed the doll from his hand and threw at the road.

“No, Gloria it’s not just a doll. It’s a very special one.” Brad ran towards the road to pick the doll. A huge truck was coming towards him.

“Brad, get aside, get aside... Brad be careful. A truck is coming towards you. Don’t you see that... Brad get aside...” I shrieked. But Brad kept on running on the road to pick the doll. A noisy warning horn kept on going. But Brad didn’t seem listened to it. He wanted to pick the doll without getting it crushed by the truck.

A big noise came from the road, where the doll had been fallen. I ran towards the truck. I saw the doll by the road. I went in search of Brad. But I couldn’t find him. I ran aimlessly over the road to find Brad.

“Brad where are you.”

I found him under the truck. His face was filled with blood. He had already left us for good on the way to hospital. Since face had got fatally crushed, his face was covered with a shroud at his funeral.

We happened to meet each other yesteryear on my sixteenth birthday at the same time and happened to depart for good this year on my seventeenth birthday.

“Brad I am sorry, I couldn’t feel your unexpressed love. If you said “I Love You” I could never have been missed you my dear.