The funniest jokes of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe

Zoe Lyon picked up the Dave award for the funniest joke of the festival

By Veronica Schmidt

A dig at embattled singer Amy Winehouse has been declared the funniest joke of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. After three weeks of stand-up performances, critics put their favourite jokes to the public vote and comedian Zoe Lyons won.

Lyons’ winning one-liner was: "I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her." On being told she’d won the award, Lyons did what every self-respecting comedian would – she cracked another joke: "I am absolutely delighted to have won the award. I know self-harming is not funny but it's just a joke, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it."

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The 33-year-old, from Brighton, made the joke in her show, Mangled Mantra of the Messed-up Modern Mind and was handed the inaugural gong by TV channel Dave, which bills itself "the home of witty banter".

The fast-talking stand-up Andrew Laurence came in second with the line: "Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public."

Third place went to Welsh comedian Lloyd Langford, who delivered the joke: "My girlfriend said 'did you know that hippopotamuses kill more people every year than guns?'. 'Yes,' I said, 'but a gun is easier to conceal'."

Picking the top three was a lengthy process. Ten critics visited the array of comedians playing at the festival before compiling their 30 top choices. The jokes were then put to the public, who voted for their favourites.

The top 10 funniest jokes from the Festival Fringe:

1. Zoe Lyons: "I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her."

2. Andrew Laurence: "Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public."

3. Lloyd Langford: "My girlfriend said 'did you know that hippopotamuses kill more people every year than guns?'. 'Yes,' I said, 'but a gun is easier to conceal'."

4. Josie Long: "When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said 'oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work."

5. Tim Vine: "Velcro. What a rip-off."

6. Stephen Grant: "The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe - wouldn't it be easier just to talk to a woman?"

7. Edward Aczel: "So far Bird Flu has only killed 47 people. By the time it ends, it's going to have killed 37 million. It's got to get going, hasn't it, if it's going to be the pandemic we've all been hoping for."

8. Joan Rivers: "Grandchildren can be f****** annoying. How many times can you go 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink?' It's like talking to a supermodel."

9. Tom Stade: "I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward."

10. Jeff Kreisler: "People were outraged because of Barack Obama's spiritual advisor. I think it's great he had one. Who was George Bush's spiritual advisor? Jim Beam? Johnnie Walker? Jack Daniels?"