A little bit of HUMOUR

There was a man who was a very nervous flyer. During a recent overseas trip, he was a bundle of nerves and the fact that his connecting flight was delayed twice because of mechanical problems didn't help at all.

Then, after he was aloft, he noticed that the cabin lights were flickering. Losing his peace of mind, he decided to mention this to a flight attendant.

"I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she had solved the problem by turning off all the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been watching this man leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."

Customer: One of my friends gave me this printer and this keyboard. He said he gave me all the cables, but I can't figure out how to connect them. Am I missing something?

Tech Support: Well, a computer would help.

Customer: You mean this keyboard isn't a word processor?

Tech Support: No sir, it's just an input device.

Customer: Then I need to buy a computer, right?

Tech Support: Yes.

Customer: Do you think I'll need a monitor, too?

 A young priest had to deliver the service at a funeral once. He had to make his way to the burial grounds, but being new to the area, he got lost. He wouldn't ask for directions and finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The backhoe was there and the crewmembers were having lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.

The priest apologised to the workers for being late. He looked into the open grave and saw the vault lid already in place. He told the workers that he would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.

The priest was young and enthusiastic and poured out his heart and soul as he preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!"

When the service was over, the priest said a prayer and walked to his car. As he opened the door, he heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years."

The phone bill was exceptionally high and Dad called a family meeting on a Saturday morning after breakfast.

Dad: People, this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

Sunday after church, a mother asked her very young daughter what the day's lesson had been about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."

Needless to say, the mother was confused. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by their place for tea and she asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.

He said, "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

Tom: How many reference librarians does it take to change a light bulb? Sara: Well, I don't know off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!