Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

All of them, a crossbar can't jump!

***

What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans?

Speaking Latin!

***

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?

On their feet!

***

Why does history keep repeating itself?

Because we weren't listening the first time!

***

Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

The second one!

***

If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?

His wife!

***

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?

Pupil: Dead? I didn't even know it was sick!

***

Teacher: Can you tell me where elephants are found?

Student: We don't have to find elephants; they're so big, they don't get lost!

***

What fur do we get from a tiger?

As fur as possible!

***

Paul: I got 35 for maths and 25 for English, but I knocked them cold in geography.

Burt: How much did you get for geography.

Paul: I got zero!

***

What birds are found in Portugal?

Portu-geese!

***

Teacher: Danny, can you name three famous poles?

Danny: North, south and tad!

***

A man was discussing his exercise programme with his friend, “I used to play baseball, basketball, tennis and chess, but I had to stop all these after my son broke my playstation”.

A student pilot training on a Cessna light aircraft addressed the control tower.

Student pilot: Control tower, this is Cessna 12345, I’m a student pilot and I have run out of fuel.

Control tower: Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to a gliding level. Do you have the airfield landing strip in sight?

Student pilot: Uh...control tower, I am on the south ramp. I just want to know where the fuel truck is.