Vignettes

Develop your interpersonal skills

R. S. Karunaratne

Unknown to most of us, interpersonal skills are an essential part of the attributes of an individual's private life and his work. Some people have extremely good interpersonal skills and lead happy lives while others lag behind not knowing what these skills are.

Perhaps the best definition of interpersonal skills was given by Edgar Schein who said, "Societies, organisations and families are human groups and the face-to-face relationships among the members of these groups are a basic element of any social interaction. Face-to-face relationships can be thought of as the glue that holds organisations together."

Sometimes it so happens that what we do in theory differs from what we do actually theoretically, we plan what we want to do well, in advance, give instructions to our fellow workers or subordinates and think we are in control. Actually, we meet and talk to people and try to organise an event. In other words, we hold meetings or talk to people individually. As such much of the time is spent on talking.

Skills

The question arises whether you can develop your interpersonal skills by talking alone. What should you do to improve your interpersonal skills rather than talking?

It is a psychologically proven fact that we feel happy when we get on well with others. When we do so, there will be a definite improvement in the quality of our work. That means those who get on well with others know how to adjust themselves to different situations. Most of the bank officers have been trained in this respect. Customer relationship management is an important subject taught to them.

However, the situation in most government offices is deplorable. Government officers seem to think customers are a nuisance.Those who do not have direct dealings with members of the public have a different role to play. They too need interpersonal skills to work with their managers and colleagues. If you are on a collision course with the manager, the results for your life and the organisations will be disastrous.

According to what is popularly known as "Role Theory" an individual has different roles to play in his life. A bank manager has one role in his office. His job is to provide a satisfactory service to the customer. If he fails in his duty, the customer will go to another bank.

When he returns home at the end of the day, he has to play the roles of husband and father. In society, he has to meet his friends at parties and other social gatherings. On such occasions, he cannot afford to adopt the role of the bank manager.

Different roles

Not only bank managers but also others such as housewives, daughters, and sons have their roles to play. You need different types of interpersonal skills in these roles to operate successfully. What is tragic is that some people find it difficult to adjust themselves to such different roles.

There was a top government official who had an investigative mentality one day issued a "charge sheet" on his wife! Similarly, some teachers try to "teach" when they are outside the classroom. Maureen Guirdham, in her valuable book, "Interpersonal skills at work" suggests that there are "first order interpersonal skills." They are: interpreting other people's behaviour, presenting yourself, communicating, persuading, using power, working in groups and meetings and leading and facilitating groups and meetings.

A person familiar with interpersonal skills will know how to understand people he meets on various occasions. Sometimes, we wonder who is at fault when something goes wrong. Is it your fault or somebody else's? Such problems can be solved easily when you are good at interpersonal skills.

If you can understand the other person, half the battle is over. The trouble starts when there is misunderstanding. In fact, understanding people is rated higher than intelligence or technical knowledge, or even decision-making. When you understand people, you will be ready to listen to their point of view.

Where interpersonal skills are lacking, there will be friction. When there is friction, you become unhappy. When society is full of unhappy people, there can be no substantial progress in any field of activity.