Never walk without a document
People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to
important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re
headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look
like they’re headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads
of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression
that you work longer hours than you really do.
Use computers to look busy Any time you use a computer, it looks like
“work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail,
chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.
These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the
computer revolution would like to talk about, but they’re not bad
either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught --
your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new
software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
Messy desk only top management can get away with a clean desk. For
the rest of us, it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge
piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s
work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them
high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the
document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for
it when he/she arrives.
Voice mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you
just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call
because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen
all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you
and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you
know they’re not there -- it looks like you’re hardworking and
conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel.
Look impatient and annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look
impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that you’re always
busy.
Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still
around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted
to read. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send
important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and
during public holidays.
Creative sighing for effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression
that you are under extreme pressure.
Stacking strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of
books on the floor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
Build vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and
new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember, they don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound
impressive.
MOST IMPORTANT DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake! Sourse:
101jokes.com |