'Child' today will be 'man' tomorrow

How he'll treat the world depends on how you treat him today:

by Charmaine FERNANDO

Sri Lanka celebrates Universal Children's Day on October 1 every year. Wrapped up in a world of activity and stress making money to save for tomorrow, we find no time to live our today the way we should. We are mentally and emotionally programed to plan for tomorrow, sacrificing today. How conveniently we use that attitude to lift any guilty feelings when we leave our babies at home. They grow up with aged parents or amme's who are not the best persons to influence a child's thinking to suit twenty years ahead. We, the so-called educated, modern talking women drive our precious careers up-hill with passion 'contributing to the family. Logic does work at times; but not with babies. They are paying dearly now and will continue to pay all their adult lives through.

Many programs are on for the benefit of the child; or so they say. Banks make it a point to launch new children's products where parents suddenly get induced in to the great habit of saving a few hundred rupees for their child for his tomorrow. New child-favoured, flavoured products like ice creams, chocolates, sausages take a risk on their ad-spend showcasing full or half pages of newspaper space to say how much they care. Even pizza's play up pranks.

We know how much the marketers bank on the child, to persuade the parents to think, of now, than their tomorrow, when it comes to food.I was glad at least one day of the year somebody celebrates the child despite the fact that the rest of the 364 days the child gets criticized, desecrated, condemned, man-handled, neglected, harassed and abused. Forgive me if I have missed out on any other adult behavioural patterns in relation to children.

What is the place of 'the Child' in Sri Lankan society, Sunday Observer asked the Chairman of National Child Protection Authority, who sits in the hot seat of the highest authority when it comes to any dealing with the Sri Lankan children. Jagath Wellawatte, Chairman, NCPA was cool and composed and voiced concern.

He said that before the colonial period there is no written evidence about children's place in society or about their rights. The practice was to place the father figure as number one, make the woman citizen number two and the child, obviously sat precariously on edge in the third citizen slot. All social discipline and theories were formulated by men, to uphold this pattern of behaviour. The woman and children as the second and third grade persons in society were compelled to obey the man. The children were in turn compelled and cornered both ways to obey both the father and the mother. Besides the child was disciplined to listen to and adhere to the bidding and orders of, anyone the society called an adult. In fact the child's place was the last person during colonial times he said.

It sums up to no place at all for the child, I presume. A child had no option but to fall in line with the adult bidding or be the victim of corporal punishment, rampant at home, in school and wherever the child happened to go. Like the dinosaurs, the adults ruled the world. A child asked me whether the dinosaurs still existed. I was compelled to almost blurt out 'yes with a name change'. Even in the new millennium, in a world where corporal punishment is banned as a punishable offense, homes still chase the colonial practices.

He said to discipline a child by force was a common practice.

Individualism, freedom, were feelings that followed independence in Sri Lanka but has not reached the levels of its European or Western counterparts. Children still have no voice here. No place. Living in the twenty first century, in Sri Lanka 45% of reports are based on sexually related incidents mainly in a backdrop of family and relations he insisted.

Are you aware that your own children too are threatened with this inhuman primitive pattern of treatment? If not today, maybe tomorrow.

Are you concerned enough, about your own child? Are you listening to what your child is trying to tell you? Have you a good enough relationship with the child so that he will tell you anything and everything? Do you spare one hour a day to get closer to your own child in order to make him feel secure and you are there for him? When you leave for work, you leave your precious child in the hands of employees, total strangers with different upbringing, exposure and experiences in life from unknown complicated backgrounds. Did it ever occur that your child's present day, is jeopardized over your career? Primary responsibility of a mother is to care for her young. Keeping the children at a distance, not listening to what the child needs to tell you, leave them precariously at risk, in your own home and outside it.

He said in most cases it's usually the poor children in both rural and urban backgrounds that get victimized due to lack of education and lack of opportunity to move and learn from society and ethical practices. When primitive practices and rigid action from the adult world leave children without an opportunity to voice their side of the story or ask for help, a child is compelled to seek suicide as a means of escape.

The present generation is connected with the world and other societies through the miracle of technology and newspapers that they are aware of their rights to some extent. In relation to the new awareness they show resistance to rigid adult discipline which is rough-edged. This new uprising is evident in the middle and lower middle class segments.

Global culture is seemingly seeping through he said, and the children are resisting undue restrictions and unlawful adult 'step on' practices.

What remedial action do you propose to give children a hearing? We asked him. He said parenting skills must be developed. To be able to avoid child related risks and understand adolescent behaviour and thinking patterns a parent needs skills development to act upon. There must be some set rules and regulations they need to adhere to with regard to raising children he voiced his belief. In order to hear grievances of parent and child we are looking at a centre where they could run to in their need. We are also looking at opening a helpline to support children with a voice where they could appeal for help or get a guideline in a time of distress.

That is a dire need, long due we thought. Finally something practical is directly connecting the child with a helpline. Something a child can scream into and be heard. We sincerely hope that the a caring adult will sit at the other end and attend to activating some immediate remedial measure to ease the child's lot. We will be in touch to support the child in everyway we agreed with the Chairman. He said a toll free number will be on alert 24 x 7 to support the children who access the helpline. At long last some adults are lending a hand of escape from risk to children.

Vigilant committees and schoolchildren's protection committees will be deployed and alert groups 'kept on alert' at village level to support the children he said, revealing the ambitious plan of action to save the children from errant prowling adults. NCPA is in good hands we thought for the moment, but the results will give us a measure of the effectiveness of the action plan, in the near future.

Child abuse must be mitigated if not stopped as an immediate measure.

The Sunday Observer, as the leading and most respected newspaper with the widest circulation in all four corners of Sri Lanka will be the voice for our children and youth and we will be there to support action, we urged.

He also suggested that a continued dialogue with parents and youth, will be of great value and we saw the need to connect with NCPA in a strong move to 'action the thoughts and vision' to save the child and provide a secure, happy childhood which is every child's right.

Typical of the Sri Lankan culture where an auspicious date and time is sought for launching every important and invaluable plan of action, we urge that 1st of October 2009, is 'The Day'.