Dear Erica
Sunday Observer magazine brings your problem-solving caring friend,
Erica to help you. Whether your lover dumped you, or you’re having
family issues or just need a listening shoulder, Erica will be your
guiding light. Email her on
[email protected]
 Dear Erica,
There is this guy I really like whom I met through my best friend.
However, I feel he’s hitting on my best friend but he is a good friend
to me. I even told this to my best friend who knows him for sometime and
she says that she isn’t interested in him because she is already dating
someone else. Also, he is aware of my feelings towards him because my
best friend told him but he really didn’t give an answer. So I’m
confused.
- Infatuated
Dear Ms. Infatuated,
Since your best friend is already interested in some other guy and
has clearly stated that she has no interest in this guy, you need not
necessarily have any suspicion about her. However, all this depends on
how much and for how long you have known them. As for the guy, you have
said that he’s aware about the feelings you have towards him. Answers
may not come directly but he may express in some other way if he’s
interested. Have you ever come across such moments that he has treated /
showed you some special interest? Or has he ever hinted of any special
feelings he has got for you. I feel that you should get to know him
better and over time you maybe able to clear your confusion. Find some
activities you both can do together and you maybe able to find out
what’s in your guy’s mind! Good luck!
Dear Erica,
I am a bachelor who is nearing the age of retirement and I do confess
sometimes I feel lonely without a woman by my side. I have had problems
making relationships work with women and I have been through a lot of
bad ones. Often when I start dating I find a lot of negative aspects
around women and this causes me to stop thinking further into the
affair.
I honestly can’t fully commit to a woman because of the fact that I
fear moving further into a relationship will mean more problems and
restrictions without helping me find a right partner. So what advice
would you give for looking for that perfect woman? I have also
registered under many dating sites and even though I hook up with women,
not one of them really wants a relationship. I am clueless.
- Clueless
Dear Mr. Clueless,
First of all I would like to say that there’s no contradiction to
what you say. First you say that you can’t fully commit to a
relationship! Then you say that the women you date don’t want a
relationship! However the first thing that you should come into terms
with is the fact that you can’t find the ideal woman or perfect woman in
your life.
Each and every one of us including you is born with positive as well
as negative aspects of life. Every relationship survives through
compatibility and adjustment to each another. Since you have stated that
you see the negative aspects of a woman and that you have gone through
loads of bad relationships, I feel the reason is that you cannot adjust
yourself or concentrate on the positive side of your partner.
 To find that special woman in your life and to spend a wonderful age
of retirement you have to set aside differences. First of all make a
list of interests, qualities, activities that you prefer in you and when
you date someone, look for these similarities and try to focus on a
positive side while adjusting to the negative aspects. By doing so, I
believe you will be able to find a perfect relationship rather than
finding a perfect partner.
Dear Erica,
I am studying in grade 12. I am what you can call, the average guy. I
am not rich. I am average in studies. I am average in looks. I am not
skilled in anything. Maybe because of this I am finding it hard to make
friends in school. Both boys and girls seem to avoid me. When they talk
to me it seems like they are only trying to be polite. I feel like I am
not interesting enough to be a friend. It is affecting my self-esteem
and affecting my already average marks. I feel lonely. I don’t know what
to do.
- Sad Lonely Guy
Dear Mr. Sad Lonely guy,
First of all I’d like you to understand that being an average guy
with regard to education, looks, skills, and social status is not a
negative aspect in life. In fact most of us are average people out there
and go through moments of sadness and lack of self esteem.
You find it hard to make friends and feel that they avoid you or just
try to be polite with you. Can’t this be your perception of the
situation since you feel that being an average person is a disadvantage?
Every individual is special in their own way, a mix and blend of
uniqueness.
Lots of great moments and great friendships are missed out simply
because someone didn’t make the first move. So the next time you go back
to your class, put on your best smile and say a polite ‘good morning’ to
your colleagues. Some may ignore, laugh or simply answer you out of
politeness. But continue to do so and eventually not only you but your
classmates will notice the difference. You’re very young and sure, you
have great potential within you but fail to recognize them. So by being
just as ordinary as most of us I believe that you’re already qualified
enough to be a happy-go-lucky guy.
Dear Erica,
I am a 32-year-old woman. I am married for the past eight years. I
have two sons aged 5 and 3. I am happily married and get along great
with my husband in all things except one. He is only child to his mom
and always has been a mama’s boy. I expected that he would grow out of
it after marriage but it didn’t happen. I expected him to change after
the birth of our sons.
That didn’t happen as well. His mom is also a possessive woman. She
sometimes acts like she is in some competition with me for his
affection. Mostly I ignore it since she, like my husband, is a nice
person.
But when she interferes in certain things which are important to me,
I get irritated and annoyed. I am worried that I will start to resent my
husband for this and it will affect my otherwise wonderful marriage. I
don’t know how to bring this up to my husband and how to handle this.
 - The Daughter-in-Law
Dear Daughter-in-Law,
I can fully understand your situation and the discomfort you must be
going through at times. Anyhow you have to accept the fact that your
husband is the only child in his family and being his mama’s boy, it’s
obvious that she holds special attention and care towards her son. Other
than that you also state that you have a wonderful family life and since
your mother in law is a nice person I feel you have to be gentle and
tactful in handling this issue.
Not many families have this kind of affectionate relationship and you
should be happy that your mother in law is a good lady. I also
appreciate that you compromise and act patiently in order to avoid any
conflicts or hard feelings. At the same time I understand that you need
to have your space for yourself and your family.
Try to have a heart to heart conversation with your husband regarding
this. Pick your words with care and avoid any kind of argument. After
all, you have been patient for eight long years and you must know them
well enough as to how you might get about them. Just let me know how
you’re progressing, change doesn’t come overnight. |
