Parents' responsibility towards child's emotional well-being

by Amal HEWAVISSENTI

Contrary to popular belief, conditions similar to depression can be traced in children as well. A child who gets into low spirits due to loss of hope or courage is most likely to develop depression that undermines his personality development. Punishment and harsh expressions of reproach would also be contributory causes.

For instance, parents may blame the child for some sort of misbehaviour such as playing with water outdoors, breaking a home appliance or repeatedly asking for something like sweets. Parents who fail to put up with the child's behaviour, tend to punish or severely blame the child ignoring the level of his mental capacity.

A happy trio

The result of all these is that the child feels that he is not loved by his parents. It is definitely beyond the child's capacity to accept things he dislikes or disagrees with. If the kind of punishment continues for a long time, the child will inevitably end up in complete loss of hope leading to depression.

At the same time, strict control from teachers, parental bans and taboos and strict punishments, advising and blaming them for no rhyme or reason for nothing can drive him to react negatively.

The special emotional bond which parents maintain with one member of the family at the expense of another directly affects the child which leads him to feel that he himself, is a family outcast.

A depressed child generally manifests a sense of pessimism, lethargy, self-destructive motives and aversion to recreational activities. So, it is best to work with a child in a way that positively influences and promotes his personality.

Competitive atmosphere

Children get into trouble under the ever increasing competition of education. It markedly reflects the narrowness of our mental outlook. Naturally a child inherits intelligence from his parents or acquires it from books personal experiences at home and peer-groups at school which rewards him with the basic ability to blend into his surroundings.

Parents should create a simple atmosphere for children to develop intelligence rather than involving them in un-necessary competitive education which damages a child's creativity, originality, taste and initiative. Praise, admiration and kindness could help a child develop his self-confidence.

Moreover, we could develop the child's self worth and self-reliance by praising him in front of outsiders with chat-up lines like "you're very good", "You've done it very well" and so on. When he tries to say something we can encourage him saying, "I couldn't have done this without your help", "you really speak nice things" and the like. Some parents mindlessly compare the child with another child who displays an exceptional talent.

The parents' tone may give the impression to the child that he is being underestimated to be far less important than that particular child. The child will, therefore, lose self-confidence into believing that he is a social reject. Instead, the parents should assure him, "you too can perform equally well" If you try, you can really outdo him." These confidence building tactics, are sufficient to bring about a change of attitude in the child.

A child naturally depends on his mother for his physical needs such as food, warmth and security, and love which are his emotional needs. Parents, however, are the sole source of comfort for him.

The love, warmth, affection and sense of safety that comes from the mother make him to snuggle on her lap comfortably. Therefore, he is immensely happy to see his parents standing by him catering to his emotional and physical needs. The healthy relationship that the child builds with his parents is the foundation on which he bases his relationships with the society. The more, the mother appreciates the good activities of the child, the more often he is inclined to continue with them. The mother should correctly judge the child's crying or laughing and respond to him suitably. In short, the mother must be clever enough to read the moods of the child and adjust herself to accommodate him.

A practical and sensible mother would adopt a completely different approach to make her child intelligent. She would narrate stories for the child to respond.

Such a child is likely to conjure up a fantastic world that boosts his creative thinking and expression. Many try to be exemplary parents by feeding their children with expensive food rather than giving food to nourish good emotions! Educationists point out that, nothing promotes a child's tendency to learn more than listening to stories told by the parents, she said.

Some mothers believe that responding to a child's crying may spoil him as he would make it a habit to obtain whatever he wants! According to research the instant response to crying is very important because a child's continuous crying may mean he is not receiving attention from the parents. This may make him headstrong in the long run. Some mothers tend to think it is beneath their dignity to "give in" to the child's "overbearing" behaviour. Such a child, in later life, would refuse to act on parents' advice.

Neglect and over- protection

Some parents, on the other hand, are over-protective of their children without understanding the child's abilities and the value of allowing him to act independently.

A mother may take special care to do everything for the child. This is extremely harmful to his personality development because every child has a right to carry on with his unique decision to be independent and creative within the family. Parents can also encourage his new 'adventurous' experiments (not dangerous moves). When another baby is born into the family, it becomes a body blow to the child because negligent parents tend to overlook their duties towards him. Such parents, to aggravate the situation, may say "sleep alone, you're become so naughty" "why can't you do everything on your own?" and so on.

Another ugly feature of the child-parent relationship is the separation of a child from the parents under reasonable circumstances. The child may become an emotional wreck if he is left to the care of an unresponsive guardian or a domestic servant while the parents are away. The chances of anxiety springing from such separation can virtually be narrowed down if the child gets an opportunity to be associated with others familiar to him at home. It is the cleverness on the part of parents that determines whether a child would become helpful or harmful to society.