The trait of jealousy

Those who enjoy their own emotionally bad health and who habitually fill their own minds with the rank poisons of suspicion, jealousy and hatred, as a rule take umbrage at those who refuse to do likewise, and they find a perverted relief in trying to denigrate them.

- Johannes Brahms

Jealousy is but a human instinct; a familiar experience in human relationships. It is an emotion having components of both anger and fear, commonly found in children. Sigmund Freud in his theory of psychoanalysis put forth the topic of psychosexual development.

In his elaborate analysis, he mentions how sons are jealous of their fathers and daughters are jealous of their mothers during late phallic stage of psychosexual development. The unconscious wishes, feelings, and ideas focus the desire to "possess" the opposite-sexed parent and "eliminate" the Oedipus complea parent. This is termed as "Oedipus complex" roughly between the ages of 3 to 5. This complex is gradually resolved when people mature. Mature men and women are supposed to outgrow the emotion of jealousy, which originates from the lack of a sense of security. It is also a trait that permits, distrust, ill will, resentment, spite, and similar negative feelings to harbour within the self. The antagonistic feelings take refuge in us and do more harm to the bearer than the one who was the cause for it.

"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves" said William Penn. A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity. How many fond fools serve mad jealousy?

One should not confuse 'jealousy' with 'envy'. Popular culture uses the word jealousy as a synonym for envy. Many dictionary definitions include a reference to envy or envious feelings when defining jealousy. Perhaps the overlapping use of jealousy and envy occurs because people can experience both at the same time.

However, there is a subtle difference between the two. In envy, there need not be another person involved. Envy is a desire for things, which belongs to the competitor. Envy is defined as: "a grudging contemplation of more fortunate persons". Jealousy arises because of apprehension of loss of affection.

Apprehension of losing affection leads to the attitude of resentment directed towards the rival relation to a loved one. The concerned person feels insecure and never wishes to lose that person's affection.

When jealousy becomes a factor in one's life, then the dream you once thought would be a reality, turns into a nightmare from which their is no escape. William Shakespeare aptly put it in Othello: "O, beware, my lord, of jealousy. It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock / The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss / Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger."

The colour green is supposed to depict jealousy, and envy as well. Shakespeare called jealousy the "green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on". How and why are colours associated with human feeling? The reason is that all of us emit an aura.

The aura is an extension of our energies. It is a band of energy that surrounds us, a life energy that can be sensed around every living thing, plants, animals, birds and people. There are seven layers of aura, but the most accessible to the human perception are the first three layers surrounding the human body.

The human aura changes colour according to the feelings and mental development of a person. Only enlightened and gifted people can see this aura from which they are able to discern the qualities of a person.

The different colours emitted by a person falls into several categories. Green, especially dark green, has been observed to emanate from jealous and envious persons.

Jealousy is a universal human experience. Psychologists have proposed several models of the processes underlying jealousy and have identified factors that result in jealousy. Sociologists have demonstrated that cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of jealousy.

Biologists have identified factors that may unconsciously influence the expression of jealousy. Artists have explored the theme of jealousy in photographs, paintings, movies, songs, plays, poems, and books. Theologians have offered religious views of jealousy based on the scriptures of their faiths. Artistic depictions of jealousy occur in fiction, films, and other art forms such as painting and sculpture.

Jealousy is the powerful complex of emotions experienced at the loss, real or imagined, of something or someone you believe is yours, whereas envy concerns what you do not have and would like to possess.

In Shakespeare's play Othello, the title character is filled with jealousy, at the thought of losing his beloved Desdemona. His ensign, Iago is consumed by envy, of Othello's prestige. Because jealous lovers tell multiple stories about those who arouse their jealousy, and because the emotion is so corrosive, jealousy is a common theme in literature, art, theatre, and film.

Many a time we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves, and the people around us. Often times we feel things should come easier and faster to us. Then if things do not happen when we think they should, we inevitably run into someone who already has what we want.

All of a sudden, we feel this surge of ugly, green emotion called jealousy. The best way to be free of jealousy is to stop comparing yourself with other people; stop wanting what other people have; and start focusing on all that is positive in your life. Breaking free of jealousy starts with your thoughts.

When you change the way you think, you change the way you feel and act. The easiest way to change your focus is to begin by helping others. It will definitely be time well spent; or better yet, thoughts well spent.

See you this day next week. Until then, keep thinking; keep laughing. Life is mostly about these two activities.

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