Get married, live longer

Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.

Sydney J. Harris

Get married and live longer appears to be the advice given by researchers of the subject. Contrary to generally held belief, marriage seems to offer surprising benefits. This is what is being said about the links between health and marriage, or other long-term relationships: according to Rebecca Felsenthal Stewart of WebMD Feature; it is as traditional as something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, the conventional wisdom that married people live longer, and are healthier than single people.

"People who are married are healthier, live longer, and report more happiness, compared to people who are not married," says University of California, Los Angeles, psychologist Theodore Robles, PhD. Studies show that married people are: less likely to die early, particularly men are less likely to die from heart disease or stroke. People who marry may already have a health advantage before they say their vows. "Healthier people tend to get married," says Robles.

Relationships

"Supportive relationships are associated with better health. The absence of a supportive relationship is a risk factor." says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, PhD, Ohio State University S. Robert Davis chair of medicine."

The factors that seems to influence why marriage may make for better health are; safer behaviour - risk taking and substance abuse drop when couples marry more than if they move in together; social connections - if you're married, ideally that's your closest relationship. That means there is a partner and close source of support readily available.

On the other hand, people who are unhappily alone may run the risk of social isolation. That can lead to depression and neglecting one's health, says psychiatrist Sudeepta Varma, MD, of NYU Langone Medical Centre.

Health helper

The other reason appears to be: health helper. One's spouse could help you keep healthy habits.

A spouse is a large force of influence in your own behaviour. You have someone to remind you that you should not eat that; that you should have one less drink, and so on.

People who are in happy marital relationships are also more likely to follow their doctors' recommendations, research shows.

Much of the research in this area has been done on heterosexual couples. But do the benefits of having a partner extend to relationship outside of marriage? Living with your significant other may also have health benefits.

The general consensus is that, yes, cohabiting has positive effects, but not to the same degree as marriage.

The love and support, and how this translates into us taking better care of ourselves when we have someone who is invested in our happiness, is immense and immeasurable, especially when that someone is your legal partner says Dr.Varma who is MD of NYU Langone Medical Centre. A better marriage may mean better health.

A study of heart bypass patients showed better survival, over 15 years, among the happily married.

The flip side, is also true: being in an unhappy marriage can be unhealthy. One reason may be that chronic stress from a bad marriage may affect the immune system.

Vulnerable

Women may be particularly vulnerable since they are more sensitive to hostility in a relationship, than are men. It seems that couples who are more hostile during disagreements tend to have steeper changes in stress hormones and healed wounds less quickly. In short, more hostility may hamper the immune system for couples with chronic relationship troubles. Relationship quality also affects men.

"We now know that depression, obesity, and hypertention all can result from women suffering in unhappy marriages," Varma says.

"But I also see a lot of substance abuse and depression in my male patients in the same situation." Based on her practice, Varma believes that men and women are equally affected by unhappy relationships - the results just manifest differently.

Difficulty

Of course, people can thrive on their own. If someone is single, it may or may not point to a difficulty in establishing close relationships. For some, this is the case.

For others, it's simply that they have not found their life partner yet. The key would be to surround yourself with good people that care for you, and that you are willing to help as well. The same goes for people who divorce.

Divorce is linked to a greater risk of premature death, especially in men, notes David Sbarra, PhD, associate professor and director of clinical training in the department of psychology at the University of Arizona, Tucson. But "most divorced adults fare very well in time and enjoy a high quality of life after the end of their marriage," Sbarra says.

"Therefore, it is likely that if you're in an unhappy marriage and have tried to work it out but just can't, divorce is a real and reasonable option. If you divorce and feel happy, then I wouldn't worry too much about the potential negative health effects."

Divorce

In recovering from a divorce, women may fare better on their own than men do. "When we look at singles and health, we see that women tend to be OK and men not so much, most likely for the same reasons men benefit more from marriage," Sharra says. And for people who are in a relationship, marriage or not, it's important to fight fairly. That helps avoid hostility and its health risks.

How do you fight fairly? "Listen, acknowledge, empathise, and validate the other person's feelings," Varma says. "One of our greatest human needs is to feel loved but also validated - it says to your partner, 'I get you'. Feeling like your partner is concerned about your happiness and willing to bend for it when needed makes a difference."

Well folks, these are not all my thoughts. But I thought that it was worth spreading it considering the problems people face when they are in a relationship, whether married or not.

See you this day next week. Until then, keep thinking; keep laughing. Life is mostly about these two activities.

For views, reviews, encomiums, and brickbats: [email protected]