Short story

The candle, the symbol of death

by Leel Wickramasinghe

It was a bright morning. I was travelling to the city by bus. There were no seats available, but I didn't mind standing as there was plenty of room. I took my strategic place at two-thirds down the bus looking towards the front door. This was my favourite place of standing as I could see everyone getting in or out from both ends. Seeing a familiar face made me happy, always. Everything outside looked fresh, wet with the last night's rain. The leaves on the trees looked greener and the colours on the flowers vivid. Even the puddles of water reflecting the clear blue sky added to the beauty of the scenery. A fresh, cool breeze was flowing through the bus.

There were not many people to board the bus, as it was a holiday. And the bus was travelling at a comfortable speed through the countryside. The conductor too, was keeping quiet and my stream of thoughts was undisturbed. The passing lush green paddy fields carried me away to my faraway home. My mother would be preparing breakfast in the kitchen with the help of my sister. We always had a late breakfast on holidays. My father would be doing something in the garden, probably in his betel bed. He liked tending to the plants in the mornings. He had planted various vegetables, herbs and fruits trees in the two acre home garden. The coconut grove and the surrounding paddy fields provided enough even for the aunts and uncles living in the neighbourhood. As a child, I liked to chase butterflies or play with the dog in the garden listening to the sounds of the birds and the squirrels. It was so peaceful and serene that, one could meditate there for hours. I played around in the garden and always came back hungry. The memory of the mouth-watering, steaming hot dishes waiting on the table brought a heave to my chest.

Higher studies

My life changed totally after I came to the city for higher studies. I was staying at an aunt's place. Although it was away from the hustle and bustle of the city, it lacked the sense of freedom felt in my village. The home gardens were small with no room for relaxation. The people kept to themselves and didn't socialise much with each other. I left home early and came back late everyday. Despite the insistence of my aunt, I hated carrying a lunch packet in the bus. Eating at a canteen was much easier, although it didn't taste as good as a home cooked meal.

I was always longing for my mother's cooking. But, as I had to attend extra classes even on weekends, I got a chance only about once in three months. My mother always fussed over me whenever I went home. I was too thin and my hair had grown too much. I wasn't taking proper care of myself. I shouldn't keep awake till late doing studies. I could get ill if I went on like this. She wanted to know why my aunt wasn't feeding me enough. My sister always teased me for this. She kept passing hints at me mimicking my mother's words. But she too, loved having me around the house and watched my departures with tearful eyes.

A loud blast of a horn brought me back to the present. We were reaching a busy town area. A large crowd was pouring out of a bus. It must have broken down on the way. They started boarding our bus even before it was halted. Angry people clambered in pushing and shouting at each other. Suddenly the bus was full with sweating, impatient people. I couldn't hold on to my position any more.

I was shoved towards the middle of the bus and came to a stop at a very fat woman carrying a heavy reed bag. Her bulky form was clad in a red floral chintz cloth and a black jacket. A wide margin remained open between them. She reminded me of a vegetable vendor at a village fair. Her mouth was red with a fresh betel chew.

I had to strain myself to keep my shirt sleeve away from her mouth. The conductor's incessant shouting was piercing the ears as he was trying to herd more people forward. I felt that my painstakingly ironed shirt and the trousers were getting crumpled. It was so warm; the sweat was streaking down my cheeks. I tried to get past the woman. But it was impossible as she was taking up the space of three people. She gave me an irritated look. I hated her for being there. Why did people have to eat so much? Why don't they try to control their body weight? Above all, why in heaven did she have to come and stand next to me in this bus? I was irritated too, but couldn't do anything about it. So I just stood there sulking.

Suddenly I saw the girl. She was waiting patiently to board the bus outside the front door. She must have been about 19 or 20. Her skin was of a rich cream colour, something like parchment. With a slender tall figure clad in a light coloured modern frock with rolled up long sleeves and a small white hand bag, she looked like a princess. Her lips were like cream pink rose petals and the simple jewellery added to her calm beauty. I fell completely in love with her even before she set her eyes upon me. It was that instant kind of love which could be attained only when the figure in front of you matches one hundred percent with your expectations. I had never thought seriously about getting involved with any girl, although I had plenty of opportunities to find a good one.

But I used to contemplate about the kind of girl whom I would marry some day. Those imaginations were inspired mostly by fairy tales like Cinderella. I was waiting to meet my future princess, someday. And here she was! She was the heaven sent princess of my dreams, appearing out of nowhere to stand in front of me. She looked so perfect that I could cry. She was mine and no one else's. Where had she been hiding all this while?

How did I go past this town so many times without meeting her even once? She was meant for me and I must...yes, must have her! This is my chance of a lifetime and I must not fail now. Suddenly I was aware I have never thought this way about any other girl. What has come over me? Am I being childish? Did anyone notice my change? I was worried whether I had been thinking aloud. But, no one around seemed to have noticed.

Now she was getting into the bus. She paused at the entrance for a moment and looked towards the interior of the bus. Our eyes met and locked together for a moment. She had large doe like eyes with dark brown pupils. Did she smile with me? I really couldn't tell. Her face was lit up and there was a halo around it. She reminded me of a beautifully ornamented large candle I once saw in a cathedral. Its bright flame was lighting up the whole altar. Yes! She would be the candle to light up my whole life ahead.

I was hypnotised by her gaze and couldn't look away. Her bright eyes were radiating pure energy. A shiver ran through my whole body. And the hairs on my arms stood on their ends. There was a lump in my throat and my lips went dry. I felt as if I was in an air-conditioned room despite the boiling heat. She made me her slave with just one glance. Then she broke the gaze and moved slowly towards me. She came and stood on the other side of the fat woman.

I was enchanted. I couldn't believe that I was so lucky! Surely she liked me! Otherwise, why would she look at me like that? I had heard the stories of girls and boys meeting unexpectedly and falling in love with each other. But this was beyond all expectations!

She too, must have been waiting for the right guy, all her life. Now destiny has brought us together. Well, almost together. This fat woman was standing there like a rock, obstructing her. I bent forward and took a peek around the woman. My princess was looking outside the window and suddenly looked at me. And a smile lit up her face slowly. Yes, she smiled! This is going to be my lucky day, surely. I was at the most critical moment of my whole life. I had to take the situation seriously and plan my life ahead accordingly. It was the chance of a lifetime and would never come again. I was so agitated. I needed time to calm down myself and come to a proper composure before confronting her.

However much I struggled, there was no way of getting past the fat woman. So, I had to wait till the next main bus stop for a chance. Meanwhile, the future visions of the two of us together started drifting into my mind as if I was watching a movie. We were going home to see my parents. I was driving our car slowly along the red brown gravel road winding though the sun bathed green paddy fields of our village. My princess was sitting in the front seat, clad in a beautiful sari. The gemstones on her pendant were glistening in the sunlight. I couldn't take my eyes off her, but had to drive carefully along the narrow road. Her favourite soft toy was dangling from the rear view mirror.

The interior was filled with the fragrance of her perfume. She was resting her head on my shoulder. People walking by, stopped to see who this young couple was and waved at us. I was smiling proudly with everybody. My parents are waiting at the grand steps to our home to receive us. I would stop the car under the front porch and open the door for her. My princess gets down the car and walks gracefully to my parents and bends down to worship them. My mother embraces her with love. Suddenly, my sister appears in the doorway and runs down to greet her. They hug each other and walk off holding hands towards the bench under the rose apple tree through the flower beds in the garden. They have become the best of friends and have so many things to talk about.

Face to face

The bus was coming to a stop again. And the people started getting down. I must get beyond the fat woman quickly. I can't be wasting time like this. In a way, it was good that we didn't meet face to face yet, as suddenly I didn't know how to start a conversation with a girl. Especially, with my future girlfriend... I was at a total loss for words. I used to treat both girls and boys equally, throughout my life. I neither had any special feeling like this towards any of them, nor any shyness. But this was totally different. I tried to gather all my strength to get ready for the most difficult task of starting the conversation which was going to change my whole life.

Suddenly, a slight gap opened up behind the fat woman and I grabbed the opportunity to struggle past her and get in front. I might have trampled on her foot in the process. The woman frowned at me with smouldering eyes, but I didn't mind. Serves her right! She had been blocking my view for two long. Phew! At last! I managed to reach my princess! It took an eternity to get close to her. But, it was worth the trouble. Now I was standing right next to my princess, but she didn't see me yet. I took a quick peek at her face and she was looking at the people who were struggling to get in. Now, I must be serous. This situation needs to be handled with care. She was a delicate thing and must be handled with tender care. One shouldn't startle her with any sudden movements.

I felt like a child trying to catch a beautiful butterfly perched on a flower. Oh, my god! This was the moment of my life! I was in the seventh heaven. But, how do I start the opening sentence? "Hi!", "Hello!", "How are you" Why all these have to begin with an "H"? Ok, now. Here goes... But, I couldn't utter "Hhhhh..." even. Someone had glued my tongue to the palate. No sound came through my lips. Have I gone dumb? How could I express my feelings towards her? The people pouring in through the front door started to creep towards the middle and the bus was getting fully packed. My princess was pressed towards my chest and I could feel the warmth of her body. So, this is how hugging a girl feels like! I wanted this moment to go on forever.

My life will be filled with beautiful moments like this, from now on. My heart was pumping adrenaline like crazy and waves of shivers were running along my spine. I had an impulse of putting an arm around her shoulders, but restrained myself. That can wait for later. We haven't been properly introduced yet. I felt the warm wetness of her palm over my hand holding the handle bar. I had this great feeling of possessiveness and the need of providing her with my protection. My only worry was that, she would notice the shaking of my hand and suspect I had malaria.

The musty smell of an old talcum powder filled my nostrils. It must be coming from that fat woman behind me. Why can't these people keep away from public places? I was literally sandwiched between the two of them. Now that the princess had come closer than I could ever imagine, I still couldn't talk to her. She was too close to me and I couldn't turn towards her as our faces would touch. No, that would frighten her. I moved slightly behind her and tried to admire her beauty from a different angle. Now I had a close view of the side of her face, nape and hair. She had a bushy kind of hair tied together into a ponytail with a colourful handkerchief. I thought I saw a tiny movement among her hair. Nah, I must be imagining things. Hey, wait! There it appeared again! What was that? An ant? May be an ant fell into her hair from a tree when she was waiting for the bus. No wait! Could it be ...could it be a louse? No. A princess like this can't be having lice! Yet, it was a louse. I saw it clearly when it started moving along a strand of her hair. It must have fallen from that fat woman's head. These people should be prohibited to move among people. There should be a law for that. I wanted to remove it from her head but I despised touching it.

Now I could see more movements among her unkempt hair. There were lot many lice moving around. What is this? Why didn't her mother see that her daughter had lice on her head? Looking closely at her neck, I saw dark lines of dirt around it. Her skin too wasn't cream, but of a pale unhealthy colour with pink rashes here and there. She was wearing cheap plastic earrings sold on the pavements. Her frock which looked lovely at a distance was crumpled,, dirty and fraying on the seams. The colours of its patterns were faded. The leather on the white handbag was cracked and dirty. And that musty smell was definitely reeking from her.

Like a rock

She scratched her head and I saw the dirt under her nails. I tried to move away from the girl. But the fat woman was behind me like a rock. The girl's upper arm was full of tiny red spots and blisters. Were they needle pricks? They were on the inner elbow, too. What were these injections for? Was she taking any medication? Or, was she a drug addict? A woman of illfame, may be? She should be infected with all kinds of unknown filthy diseases. Could I have already contracted some of the germs? AIDS.. Yes, she could be having that, too. A violent shiver ran through my spine. All sorts of crawly, creepy images started floating around my head. I was bound together with a rotting dead body with squirming worms. I had seen enough. Whatever it is, this is no princess.

I felt the beautiful palace I built crumbling and falling apart around me. First, the plaster started to crack. The bricks came down with a shower of mortar. Then the massive beams and rafters of the roof were collapsing.

The noise of shattering glass was overpowering. It was going to engulf me in whole. I wanted to scream. But no sound came through my parched throat. My tongue felt like a sandpaper. Eeek! What's this? A louse was crawling towards me. I hated lice since my childhood. I would run away whenever I saw one, fearing that it could long leap from one head to another. I tried to cringe away from the louse. But the fat woman pushed me back. The louse kept coming. Eeeek! I must get away quickly. I can't bear this any more. This is truly a lousy situation!

I was feeling nausea and breathless. The pungent warm air was stifling. I must get down now! But, which way to go? Moving forward was impossible. And the fat woman was blocking my way back. I was feeling giddy now. I tried to get past the fat woman. But, she wouldn't budge. Can't wait any more or I would collapse. I have to put all rivalries aside, be humble and plead with her. She was my only hope. I was at her mercy. I looked at the woman. She had a faint motherly look on her face. May be she wasn't that bad. She might let me pass if asked politely. "Please.... Please let me get down. I am going to be sick", I croaked. The woman gave me an inquisitive look and moved back slightly. I took the opportunity and literally jumped beyond the woman. I didn't look back to see whether the girl fell down due to my sudden movement. I struggled through the packed crowd as fast as I could. How many feet were trampled upon, I wouldn't know. "Hey you!" "What the...." "Groan". "Ouch..." People pushed me uttering angry remarks. Oblivious of the noise around, I moved steadily towards the door like a commando wading through a swamp. Reaching the door, I rang the bell several times in rapid succession. The bus driver slammed on the brakes.

The tyres screeched and the bus came to a sudden stop. The people standing in the bus fell on each other. I jumped out of the bus and ran away. I heard more angry shouts behind me. They may have thought I was crazy. I didn't care. I ran to the edge of the road and vomited. The retching ceased in a minute or two, but I was trembling like a fish out of water. My breath came in spasms. I had a splitting headache. Tears blurred my vision. I was sobbing for no reason. It took quite a while for me to calm down my nerves. I was lucky, it was an isolated place. I sat down under a shady tree and watched the cranes flying over the green paddy fields. The breeze slowly dried away the sweat cooling down my body and pacifying my mind. I felt utterly humiliated and weak. My whole day had been ruined and there was no point in going to the city again. I heaved a long breath and got up unsteadily to go back home. Suddenly the realisation dawned upon me. The candle was also a symbol of...DEATH.