Unlock your potential with persuasion

By Lionel Wijesiri

I once belonged to a local sports club whose members played the hardest not on the Badminton court or Cricket pitch but at the meetings where we discussed our rules and budget.

In heated debates, some members would plead and others rage: some would use sarcasm, others logic. In the end, it was Jerome, our lawyer-member who usually got his way.

Without using any technique one would notice, mild-mannered Jerome managed to carry the day. His views were sensible, but that is not why he won; he possessed subtle communication skills that made him a better persuader.

Persuasion is power

I have met many people of Jerome’s calibre during my career. Associating with them and learning from them, I have realised that we would be far more successful in everyday situations - ironing out differences with a neighbour, helping our children make wise choices - if we used the communication techniques of such persuaders.

There is no doubt of it; persuasion is the most important skill we can develop in our lives. Because without it, our ideas won’t get influence. Without influence, we won’t get the resources or support we need. Without influence, we won’t be able to communicate our unique value to the world.

In the modern world, power is the ability to communicate and the ability to persuade. If you’re a persuader with no legs, you’ll persuade someone to carry you.

If you have no money, you’ll persuade someone to lend you some. If you’re a persuader who’s alone in the world and doesn’t want to be, you’ll find a friend or a lover. If you’re a persuader with a good product to sell, you’ll find someone who’ll buy it.

You can have an idea that can change the world, but without the power to persuade, you have nothing.

10 tips

According to Michael Lee, popular life coach and author of “How to be an expert persuader in 20 days or less,” “The power of persuasion rests on getting people to do what you want willingly, resulting in a win-win scenario for everyone involved”.

He gives 10 simple points how to do it. Lee says they are proven to work!

1. Start things off on their behalf. People are more likely to be persuaded to complete a task if it’s already been started for them, Next time the dishes need to get done, try cleaning the silverware, then ask if your partner wouldn’t mind finishing the job. Use a different approach to stop the same old fights from happening.

2. Use the magic word “imagine.” I know it’ll be a late night, but can you imagine how relieved we’ll be if we get the job done before going home? This tactic paints a vivid picture in the person’s mind of the pleasure if she/he does-or the pain if she/he doesn’t-do what you asked.

3. Stress their losses. Cannot pry your husband away from his Sunday Club get-together for a dinner to your parent’s home? No problem. Rather than confronting him into it with complaints about needing more “quality time” together, remind him that one of his old school buddies is coming over to the dinner there and he is leaving to USA next day.(Of course, you have to arrange it beforehand with your father). We’re more persuaded by the thought of losing something than the thought of gaining.

4. Be the first to give. People are psychologically conditioned to return a favour. And, instinctively, we’ve known this one all along - i.e., if you buy the first round of drinks, they’ll buy the second. So think of doing the initial good deed as an investment. In turn, people will feel compelled to do things for you.

5. Ask for more than you need. People feel a sense of guilt when they refuse a request. If the second request is something they can afford to comply with, then they’ll grab the opportunity. This is a tactic children know well: Can we go to a movie today afternoon? No? It’s OK, so how about a swim at the club? The second request gives freedom of choice, like an escape route. They’ll feel relieved, and you get what you want.

6. Make them laugh. If you want to be more persuasive, work on your sense of humour. People generally laugh at things when, for one reason or another, they identify with them.

7. Drop the “I” for “we.” Studies have shown that the reassurance of ‘we’ is more productive in persuading people to compromise than other approaches, including the threatening approach and the rational approach. The use of “we” immediately conveys a sense of belonging, commonality and support: We’ve worked through this before; we can work through it again.

8. Rely on the majority. Energy reduction studies show that households are more likely to reduce their energy consumption if they see their more energy-efficient neighbours’ utility bills. When persuading, point to evidence of what others like the person you are trying to persuade are doing. After all, when making decisions on our own, we likely survey the scene for reassurance anyway.

9. Use the positive labelling technique. “Last month you did a fantastic job with this - I’m sure you’ll do even better this time.” One of the most powerful principles of persuasion rests on a person’s need to remain consistent with his past actions. People are more likely to be persuaded to behave in certain ways if they have acted that way before-and it has been noticed.

Time your request. Sometimes, it’s not what you ask for but when you ask for it. People are most persuadable immediately after thanking someone, and at their most persuasive after being thanked, so it’s the perfect time to ask for a favour: “My pleasure. In fact, I was hoping you might to help me out with something, too.”

Competitive edge

None of these persuasion techniques are magic or “smoke and mirrors.” They are designed merely to give you a slight edge in your dealings with others, but a slight edge can make all of the difference in the world.

After all, in the Olympics, the difference between those who win the gold and those who win the silver is often just a few hundredths of a second or a fraction of a point. A slight edge goes a long way. So arm yourself with these persuasion tools and make them a part of your everyday conversations with others. When you do, you’ll find that others are more apt to adopt your ideas, resulting in more winning solutions for everyone involved.