Love or lust. Where does one end and the other begin?:

Cuckolded?

by Aditha Dissanayake

Ever heard of someone being cuckolded? If you know your Chaucer, you will know the word refers to men like John the Carpenter in The Miller's Tale, whose wife Alisoun, commits adultery with a University student called Nicholas. Karenin too becomes one when Anna runs away with her lover, Vronsky. So does Madam Bovary's husband Charles, so does Lord Chatterley... in fact if you are familiar with what are called masterpieces in literature (ranging from Doctor Shivago to the English Patient) you will know who a cuckold is (a man whose wife is unfaithful to him).

Why is this so? Why is a large part of World Literature devoted to adultery? Could it be because adultery is prohibited in societies which have sexual mores based on the Judaeo-Christian tradition, and therefore creates a conflict which in turn creates an interesting theme? Could it be because adultery is about lust and orthodox sexuality is about love?

Why is love seen as Good and lust as Bad? Love is when two people walk hand in hand at the Majestic City, lust is when they fumble at the cinema after the lights are switched off. Love is talking on the phone or sending cards with poetic sayings ("everyday I think of you while we are apart/and I discover something about you which makes me love you even more...") while lust knows no words, but groans and grunts and moans.

Love knows self-control, lust is uncontrollable, ignores reason, and causes shame and embarrassment. As time goes by, love changes and becomes something more than love - commitment, dependence, respect, companionship. But lust remains as lust and therefore, has a shorter lifespan.

And above all love is supposed to guarantee marriage; as Samuel Cohen sings "love and marriage, love and marriage/Go together like horse and carriage/This I tell ya, brother, Ya can't have one without the other". Lust on the other hand, does its opposite and leads to divorce.

But shouldn't love and lust be treated alike? For, in the end both satisfy several basic human needs - the need to know that someone out there is ready to give you his or her attention, ready to listen to your problems and to treat you with indulgence.

Film Director, Michael Winner, is one who sees nothing wrong in giving way to lust "I have found that being faithful is not a total requisite (in a relationship). I was invariably unfaithful and didn't even bother to hide it. That didn't mean I wasn't in love with the main person in my life.

It just meant I could never resist temptation". (Daily Mail) This is perhaps going too far. More desirable are Jimmy Carter's and Carl Muller's views on lust. "I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I have committed adultery in my heart many times.

This is something God recognizes I will do-and I have done it-and God forgives me for it". Says Carter. Carl Muller too admits he commits adultery everyday - with looks and words. He believes if he doesn't do so, when he sees a beautiful woman, then something must be wrong with him.

Lust then, should not be painted in complete black, but in grey. For, love and lust are both important - after all, without one or the other, none of us would be here today.