Live happily with a gracious heart

by Lional Wijesiri

Two days before the Sinhala and Tamil New Year, I met Janaki. Last time when I saw her it was somewhere in late ’80s just before she migrated to United States with her husband and children. Although very much younger than me, she was one of my office colleagues in 80s.

I have not spoken to her since she left our shores, but from the bits of information filtered down to me from different friends showed that she was doing fine as a Senior Director of a reputed media company.

We had a lot to share and talk about. After exchanging the usual pleasantries, we spoke about our memories of the past and at one stage our conversation centred on people who had the extraordinary imaginative gift of making others feel confident and important.

To quote one example, Janaki related one of her life experiences. “Once I was working as a Graphics Designer for a company and one of my job assignments took me to Nuwara Eliya. I completed my work by late-afternoon when I remembered Shanthi, a schoolmate who lived about 12 miles off the city.

I decided to take a short drive. Maybe, I could spend the night with her, just for old time’s sake, I thought. It was dark and raining really hard when I finally reached her home. I found only Shanthi and her mother. Others, her husband and two children were out of town”.

“I sat with them for early dinner when suddenly the lights flickered and died. Shanti’s mother sighed, “Heavens, the power’s out,” and lit candles. While Shanthi was making a fire there was a knock on the door. She opened it and a boy came in. Shanthi took his dripping overcoat and cap, and as he moved into the firelight, I saw he was about 12 years and pitifully crippled.”

“After he caught his breath, he said, “My father tried to ring you but your phone is dead. I came to see whether you are all right.”

“Thank you Gayan”, Shanthi said. As the wind rose, raving and creaming, battering the doors, I looked across the window and said, how much I loved the drama of the storm.”

“You are not scared?” Gayan asked. I started to say no, but Shanthi’s mother, though obviously afraid of nothing, quickly said what any boy longs to hear, “Of course, she was scared, and so was both of us. But now we got a man to look after us.”

“There was few moments’ silence. Gayan smiled and accepted the cup of steaming coffee offered by Shanti’s mother. He stayed with us for an hour talking with us until rain ceased.

“Then he picked up his overcoat and cap, bid us good night and hobbled out with a little swagger.”

Janaki said that for many weeks the incident haunted her. She was left over with a number of unanswered questions: Why hadn’t she answered this question as Shanti’s mother had - tenderly and imaginatively? And how often in her life, insensitive through self-absorption, had she failed to recognise another’s need? By what magic had Shanti’s mother transformed a cripple boy into a confident man? Was it compassion, tact or a combination?

When Janaki left me, I was recapitulating her story when I suddenly recalled an expression used by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. He called this type of generosity of spirit the “gracious heart”.

Life from inside out

The gracious heart - what a gift to give to others and to yourself! Imagine the positive impact you’d have on others with a willingness to be relentlessly generous with them. Imagine the goodwill you’d create by being determined to leave no encounter without some small act of generosity. Imagine how happy and fulfilled you’d feel expressing this throughout your day.

This concept fits within the broader context of living life from the inside out. It is an attitude that one can adopt and can become a way in which one engages the world. It does not depend upon how one is treated; it can be adopted irrespective of the response or circumstance.

Opportunities to put this rewarding talent to good use are all around us.

The other day I was in the town centre when I noticed a boy about eight helping his father sell fresh vegetables from a improvised tiny stall. He proudly sold a couple of vegetables to a lady and told her the amount payable. His right hand was stretched but the lady ignored and past him and gave the money to his father.

The little boy’s smile faded and his shoulders slumped. Another lady, witnessing the scene, quickly moved inside the stall. She called him over and asked him to help her select a few vegetables. He put them inside a bag and again told her the cost. She could have given him even change, instead she gave him a Rs. 500 note. For a few seconds he frowned, calculating; then he brightened and handed her the correct change.

“Thank you,” she said, “I couldn’t have figured it that fast. You are really good.”

“Aw, it was nothing, madam, thanks,” he said, looking at his father. But it was something for him, and maybe, for his father, too. Both of them were beaming, warmed by the glow that the second lady’s imaginative act had created.

I know of a mother who tragically lost her 10 year old son along with one of his good friends in a lake accident. Her family’s world was torn apart and it shook her community to its very core.

The story of her son’s death made headlines and touched people across the country. At that time she was on staff at a national school, so she was blessed with an endless amount of love and support.

Nearly impossible

She was so grateful for all these but at the same time overwhelmed with the grief, she felt it nearly impossible to try and give back what so many people had so abundantly given. Yet. she wanted to do something. She needed to do something.

As she slowly picked herself up and tried to start a “new normal,” she realised these people didn’t expect anything back from her. The best way she could show her thankfulness was to take that gratitude and pass it on and, in the process, show her other two children the art of compassion.

The family members together observed more. They listened more. They opened their hearts more and felt for the needs around them.

The compassion that grew in them helped to heal and showed others a strength in themselves they didn’t even know they had. There was an endless to do list. There are places to be and errands to run.

The simple truth you should never disregard is that there is enormous love in this world - unconscious, instinctive and eager for expression.

Each one of us can learn to unlock it with the thoughtful courtesies of a gracious heart. We have a choice as to how we will orient ourselves in the world and how we will act.