The nice man who always thought he was the ugly duck

by Lakmal Welabada

"He refused to pose for the wedding photograph thinking he would look uglier beside me as I was supposed to be very pretty at that time," laughs Padmini Perera, adorably (...and popularly..) known as aunty Patty who turned 93 years recently.

She celebrated the 69th wedding anniversary with her 97-year-old husband Joseph Nerius Perera alias Uncle Joe just the other day... "I had a huge and beautiful bouquet, but could not get a single photo, as he refused to pose for it.

So I also 'let it go' and did not think much about it as I was madly in love with him. But, after nagging him a bit, I managed to pull him into a studio while we were on our honeymoon in Nuwara-Eliya. It was the only picture we have of that time," laughs Padmini, recalling that magical day.

Rules and regulations

"Joe was a Catholic and I was a Buddhist. The Catholic Church was very strict and we were not allowed to marry in Church. His parents gave us their blessings, but did not have any part in the wedding as they could not defy the Church. We had a simple ceremony along with the marriage registration. But, I also became a Catholic after my children were born," continues Padmini with Joe sitting next to her not contradicting any part of the story.

Rupa, their housemaid who looks after the old loving couple as if they were her own parents, had to convince Joe that the parcel I kept on the stool did not belong to the house. Joe tried many times to take it away.

"He wants everything to be spick and span. Too much cleanliness was the only weak point I have ever seen in him," smiles Padmini, as if that would be a complaint with most wives......?

I had to go ahead with Padmini as the sole narrator of this story, as Joe had a very faint memory of the past. "A blood clot that was in his brain was removed a few years back. Since then he has been suffering from memory loss. But, thank God! He is still quite fit, goes for a walk every morning for about one hour and does everything on his own," says Padmini, sounding not just relieved, but unmistakably proud.

Joe was born on December 12 in 1909 and is an old boy of St. Joseph's College, Grandpass. He worked as a stenographer in early life, and later joined F.J. and De G. Saram lawyers, as a court clerk.

"He served them for 41 years. They kept him on the staff until he was 91 years. He could have still worked - but then they said it would be a violation of his human rights!" says Padmini, noting the extraordinary stamina of her husband of almost 70 years.

Padmini is still a good scrabble player. The young and old approach her to enjoy her sense of humour. Not merely her two daughters, six well educated grandsons (...of whom they are both really proud of) and four great grandchildren, but also everybody who ever meets her for the first time would immediately fall in love with her.

Mataramba Kanattage Padmini de Silva was born on December 27 in 1913 to Edward William de Silva, Government Apothecary (today this post is known as Registered Medical Officer) and Hettiarachchige Leela Sujatha de Silva. "Mummy was from Kirullapone and Daddy was from Galle.

I had three sisters and two brothers, and ours was a very close, kind and friendly family. Unfortunately, none of our siblings were fortunate enough to live upto the present. All are dead," sighs Padmini still with a slight almost beatific smile.

Padmini remembers how she cried hanging on to her mom when they first admitted her to the Methodist College hostel. She was six years then. "First, it was very difficult. But later, I really loved the place.

I still can remember how we had our midnight feasts on the sly. We used to collect and hide toffees and chocolates in the box-room where we hang our clothes, adjoining our dormitory during the daytime. Later in the night when everybody went to bed we tip-toed there and had the repast.

It was an offence, and if we were caught we would have been severely punished. But that was the only naughty thing we did, and other than that we were very good," chuckles Padmini resembling a sweet sixteen.

"We had a strict, but really caring warden whom we never forgot even after we left school," she remembers.

"My cousin Irangani Mahagedara Opatha and I were best of friends since school until her death. We studied in the English medium and learnt Sinhala as a subject. I must be the longest living old girl of Methodist who never joined the OGA. I studied there from 1921 to 1929," she says.

Achievements

Padmini was to sit for the Junior Cambridge exam (equals to O/Ls today). But since she wanted to join her parents on a pilgrimage she did not sit for the exam which fell on the same day. "And along with that episode I quit the school as well. My parents were not strict at all. Also, unlike today, in that era women did not have a career.

The middle and the upper class never allowed their girls to work," she explains. "I really feel very sorry when I see today's young girls in half naked dresses. We had to wear sarees from the age of 17 and were not allowed to wear long frocks or skirts, even at home. I cannot understand how the parents of these girls allow their daughters to expose themselves like this," points out the indignant aunty Patty.

She was named 'Padmini' by Anagarika Dharmapala who was a close friend of her grandmother, Obeth Laura Gomes Abeysinhe Weerakoon.

But 'Patty' has been her long-serving pet name. "I had a well pampered life and lived like a butterfly. That was until my Mummy's death. She used to complain of a boil in her tummy. Although my father was a medical apothecary he did not care about that. So it ruptured and she died of blood poisoning.

I was 19 years then. Only my elder sister was married at that time and my younger sister was just a baby. It was the time I began to take life seriously." The second tragedy struck Padmini with her younger sister's death. "She was 15 years old when she was shot by an accident. The gun was aimed at a woodpecker," she says. I witnessed tears in her eyes now, for the first time the time since the interview began.

Averting the topic is hard enough, so deadpan, albeit late in the day, I asked Padmini how she met her husband. "Hah! Hah! Oh, his uncle and my father were working in the health field together at Hanguranketha. Both families were very close. He took this opportunity to visit us. Though he had not proposed, my mother felt that he was interested in me, and WARNED me about it. She didn't like him.

I too never had any feeling until his cousin brother approached my father along with his proposal. He was too shy to come by himself as he always felt he would look ugly beside me. And I was supposed to be very pretty, you know! I was in my early twenties when I entered into wedlock with him on June 28 in 1937." She laughs out loud.

Padmini and Joe gave birth to a baby boy after three long years of marriage. But for the first time fate was unkind towards the loving couple. They lost the baby when he was ten months.

But soon destiny bestowed the loving couple with good fortune. The two little girls born to them in 1947 and 1949 have been the only asset they ever had. "We are not rich, but rich in our heritage and love," she says. "Ours was a very religious family.

We never failed the daily night prayers together until my children entered the University. My elder daughter went to the University of Colombo, and became the first woman Deputy Principal at St. Joseph's College, Colombo 10. At present she heads the Middle School there. My youngest daughter studied in India and is today a professor in Microbiology. Both girls are happily married and blessed with very good children.''

"My grand son says I am a doormat," continues Padmini. "So many have asked me the secret of having a long life. Well, the first reason might be my faith. Recollections

I am a person who 'lets go for things to happen', and never takes anything seriously. Joe was a very caring husband. He was a very strict disciplinarian and an adorable father too. The children loved him.

The only annoying thing about him was 'cleanliness'. He was furious if things were not in their proper place at home. He would re-dust and re-arrange everything, while scolding me. That made me mad, but I never vent my anger. I am not a Saint. I do get angry. But, when I get angry I would always keep quiet, and then forget about it. That might have given me my long life," she laughs.

"But now, Joe is completely different. He never gets angry now, although he still tries to be a little prim and proper even at this age, hah! hah," she says with an air of signalling a grand finale..

Aunty Patty spends her twilight years worthily and socially. Charity keeps her awake. The two generations of their offspring look after them very well. "Other than an OsteoFos tablet taken every morning with a huge glass of water I don't have to take any medicine for any ailment, as I have no diabetic condition, or blood pressure, which are common ailments in this age. I am gifted with good health, caring for my family and love.

What else should one expect from life?" asks Padmini.

A clean life, with a clean husband?? What else indeed.