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'Sleeping together'

SNORES BREAK UP MORE MARRIAGES THAN BORES

The term 'sleeping together' usually evokes images of a sexual nature in people's minds. Literally though it simply refers to two (or more) people sleeping together, side by side, on the same bed. How hard can it be, especially since the two of you are in love, right? Wrong.

"The hardest part of marriage initially was being able to get a good night's sleep. My husband needed only a few hours of sleep while I was a light sleep who needed at least eight (hours). He'd stay up all night with the television on, watching the late night movies and then the international news and whatever else they show on television that late in the night. I never could sleep until he finished watching the television and he wouldn't hear of moving it out of the bedroom," says Maya.

And what was her reaction? "Well I couldn't put up with it anymore, I was going to work bleary eyed and not be able to finish the amount of work that I usually do, so I took my pillows and moved to the couch.

You see I was pregnant at the time and the couch was most definitely not the place for me to fall asleep on. When his mom found out she was furious and eventually the television came out of the bedroom." Maya has been married for nearly a decade now with the television safely in the living room.

"He didn't like being alone in the living room watching television, so he'd come to bed earlier and now we don't have an issue at all. Weekend nights we spend with the television, weekday nights on bed."

Compromise

Indeed problems in going to sleep with your partner must be dealt with compromise as all other aspects of marriage, or it can lead to marital problems or even the marriage falling apart. In the case of the Pereras, it eventually led to an enormous bill and a life at stake.

"It started with the fan," says Anoma, "I found the setting too cold, and could never fall asleep, so we compromised with lowering the fan setting and opening the windows." While temperature ceased to be a problem, the mosquitoes certainly presented an even bigger one.

"The constant humming and biting just drove me crazy. Lighting a coil made his sinusitis worse, so we just learned to ignore the mosquitoes," that is until Dayan (the husband) got a fever and was diagnosed with dengue. "His condition was classified as critical for a long time, until he finally pulled through.

The hospital presented us with the biggest bill ever. Eventually we moved, and now the windows are closed and the fan is on the middle setting."

Snoring

Perhaps the most common problem faced by couples sharing a bed is snoring. Though usually a complaint of the fairer sex, Nimal found otherwise. "It's when the honeymoon's over that you notice the snoring," he says irately. "I tried talking to her about it, but she wouldn't hear of it.

She doesn't believe that women snore as well. I tried the advice of my colleagues: I rolled her over, I pinched her nose a few times, nothing worked. Now I sleep with the pillow over my head. It's not the best sleep, but I wouldn't want us not to share a bed."

And then some other sleeping difficulties seem a little petty at first, though considered serious offences by the spouses. "He steals the sheet," complains Anne. "I know it sounds insignificant, but a good night's sleep is very important.

We'd fall asleep together under one big sheet and wake up with only him covered by it. Now we use two separate sheets, with a reserve at hand in case he makes a grab at my sheet - he sometimes does. It still beats separate beds."

When Michael and Shalini tied the knot, it was beautiful the whole way through till night time came and they had a single queen size bed to share. "We both wanted the same side, since it was what we were used to.

After some debating -this is how they resolve issues- and both came up with equally persuasive arguments for themselves, they decided to toss a coin. "I won so I got the left side of the bed." Issue resolved they cuddled up and fell asleep, but soon enough Michael was to find that winning wasn't everything.

"She constantly rolled around, from one side of the bed to the other and changed sleeping positions all the time. One minute she would be curled up, the next her knees would be kicking into my stomach, or she would lie across the bed forcing me off it. It was awful." After four years and a kid, Shalini now moves much less, while Michael does a little moving himself in order to avoid his wife's.

Remedy

And is the remedy for all this and more Feng Shui? According to Mrs. Fernando it is. "My first marriage was a disaster in terms of sharing a bed, since he snored, was not affectionate and did not like talking on bed.

It was probably a contributing factor to our divorce since it made us very irritable. So with my second marriage I wasn't willing to take any chances and got a feng shui specialist to do the interior decorating for my bedroom.

"The bedroom is always kept tidy, the colours are muted, the bed is not near a window, there are no plants in the room and so on. It was a worthwhile investment since my husband and I have had no problems sleeping together," she enthuses.

Whether your dilemma is the workaholic and his laptop taking up bed space, the movie buff who stays up all night watching reruns, a sheet snatcher or a night-time kick boxer, the problems are all real and all serious. Sleeping together may be the most complicated component in a relationship, but that is perhaps because it is also a most integral one.

 

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