'Sleeping together'
SNORES BREAK UP MORE MARRIAGES THAN BORES
by Rikaza Hassan
The term 'sleeping together' usually evokes images of a sexual nature
in people's minds. Literally though it simply refers to two (or more)
people sleeping together, side by side, on the same bed. How hard can it
be, especially since the two of you are in love, right? Wrong.
"The hardest part of marriage initially was being able to get a good
night's sleep. My husband needed only a few hours of sleep while I was a
light sleep who needed at least eight (hours). He'd stay up all night
with the television on, watching the late night movies and then the
international news and whatever else they show on television that late
in the night. I never could sleep until he finished watching the
television and he wouldn't hear of moving it out of the bedroom," says
Maya.
And what was her reaction? "Well I couldn't put up with it anymore, I
was going to work bleary eyed and not be able to finish the amount of
work that I usually do, so I took my pillows and moved to the couch.
You see I was pregnant at the time and the couch was most definitely
not the place for me to fall asleep on. When his mom found out she was
furious and eventually the television came out of the bedroom." Maya has
been married for nearly a decade now with the television safely in the
living room.
"He didn't like being alone in the living room watching television,
so he'd come to bed earlier and now we don't have an issue at all.
Weekend nights we spend with the television, weekday nights on bed."
Compromise
Indeed problems in going to sleep with your partner must be dealt
with compromise as all other aspects of marriage, or it can lead to
marital problems or even the marriage falling apart. In the case of the
Pereras, it eventually led to an enormous bill and a life at stake.
"It started with the fan," says Anoma, "I found the setting too cold,
and could never fall asleep, so we compromised with lowering the fan
setting and opening the windows." While temperature ceased to be a
problem, the mosquitoes certainly presented an even bigger one.
"The constant humming and biting just drove me crazy. Lighting a coil
made his sinusitis worse, so we just learned to ignore the mosquitoes,"
that is until Dayan (the husband) got a fever and was diagnosed with
dengue. "His condition was classified as critical for a long time, until
he finally pulled through.
The hospital presented us with the biggest bill ever. Eventually we
moved, and now the windows are closed and the fan is on the middle
setting."
Snoring
Perhaps the most common problem faced by couples sharing a bed is
snoring. Though usually a complaint of the fairer sex, Nimal found
otherwise. "It's when the honeymoon's over that you notice the snoring,"
he says irately. "I tried talking to her about it, but she wouldn't hear
of it.
She doesn't believe that women snore as well. I tried the advice of
my colleagues: I rolled her over, I pinched her nose a few times,
nothing worked. Now I sleep with the pillow over my head. It's not the
best sleep, but I wouldn't want us not to share a bed."
And then some other sleeping difficulties seem a little petty at
first, though considered serious offences by the spouses. "He steals the
sheet," complains Anne. "I know it sounds insignificant, but a good
night's sleep is very important.
We'd fall asleep together under one big sheet and wake up with only
him covered by it. Now we use two separate sheets, with a reserve at
hand in case he makes a grab at my sheet - he sometimes does. It still
beats separate beds."
When Michael and Shalini tied the knot, it was beautiful the whole
way through till night time came and they had a single queen size bed to
share. "We both wanted the same side, since it was what we were used to.
After some debating -this is how they resolve issues- and both came
up with equally persuasive arguments for themselves, they decided to
toss a coin. "I won so I got the left side of the bed." Issue resolved
they cuddled up and fell asleep, but soon enough Michael was to find
that winning wasn't everything.
"She constantly rolled around, from one side of the bed to the other
and changed sleeping positions all the time. One minute she would be
curled up, the next her knees would be kicking into my stomach, or she
would lie across the bed forcing me off it. It was awful." After four
years and a kid, Shalini now moves much less, while Michael does a
little moving himself in order to avoid his wife's.
Remedy
And is the remedy for all this and more Feng Shui? According to Mrs.
Fernando it is. "My first marriage was a disaster in terms of sharing a
bed, since he snored, was not affectionate and did not like talking on
bed.
It was probably a contributing factor to our divorce since it made us
very irritable. So with my second marriage I wasn't willing to take any
chances and got a feng shui specialist to do the interior decorating for
my bedroom.
"The bedroom is always kept tidy, the colours are muted, the bed is
not near a window, there are no plants in the room and so on. It was a
worthwhile investment since my husband and I have had no problems
sleeping together," she enthuses.
Whether your dilemma is the workaholic and his laptop taking up bed
space, the movie buff who stays up all night watching reruns, a sheet
snatcher or a night-time kick boxer, the problems are all real and all
serious. Sleeping together may be the most complicated component in a
relationship, but that is perhaps because it is also a most integral
one.
|