Jealousies and insecurities

by Anushka Nanayakkara and Sajitha Prematunge

Be kind to the destitute,
Be patient and loving toward the wicked,
Be kind to the afflicted,
Be gentle with the fool,
Empathize with the weak and oppressed,
Be especially compassionate to those who cling to concrete reality. - Pathrul Rinpoche

Jealousy and insecurity - see a link? From personal experience, jealousy overwhelms people who are insecure about the quality of their own performance. The so-called civilized human society is not so civilized up close.

If you were ever the helpless victim of jealousy of insecure people - fellow competitive students, relatives, neighbours or workplace cut-throats perhaps you can better relate to this topic. The law of the jungle - the survival of the fittest is ever more applicable now than in the stone age. But the sad reality is that the 'fittest' in contemporary society is the one who tramples others with all their might in order to get to the pinnacle of their success.

Author of the best seller Mokwana, Physician Priyanga De Zoysa told the Sunday Observer that 'mind is a phenomenon where subtle sensations arise synonymously and spontaneously' Certain sensations are felt through the five senses - eyes, ears, nose, mouth and skin; but mental sensations are felt through the mind.

He further explained that these mental states can be divided in to pleasant and unpleasant mental states. States such as delusion, hatred, pride, laziness, jealousy and restlessness are unpleasant states of mind and confidence, appreciation and loving kindness are pleasant states of mind.

"Jealousy is the inability to cope with another person's prosperity or feeling good about another person's downfall." More often than not it's the first. Jealousy is a phenomenon that creates unhappiness. "The best way to get rid of jealousy is to, first acknowledge it, be aware that you are jealous there is no way you could get rid of it." So those who are rendered helpless by jealousy; and insecurity arising out of jealousy should learn to let go by acknowledging them as unpleasant mental states.

Rev. Ernest Poruthota, St. Anothony's Church Kadawatha said, for him the birth of jealousy is insecurity. When a person feels that they cannot achieve or is incapable of doing something they feel insecure.

Psychologically they get frustrated or angry seeing others perform better or trying to do so. Moreover Rev. Poruthota said that in such a situation they should sit back and think how much they are capable of doing and why they cannot do more or better?

Rev.Poruthota also said that people think jealousy could metamorphose into victory. But the bitter truth is that it can only lead to defeat. These kind of people are a burden to society.

Rev. Ernest Poruthota said that to overcome this kind of mentality friends should prevent from boosting the wrong kind of determination in them, they should not add fuel to the fire.

A real friend should be able to help the person to choose the right path, by providing necessary support for that person to try and do things they are cable of, better. Finally, Rev. Poruthota said that God does not need to punish such people, but with the passage of time they will be punished by nature automatically.

Jealousy is a timeless and a universal problem, from Dewadaththa at the time of Buddha, jealousy has been eating people alive. Ven. Kottugoda Dammawadha said that the world is a different and diverse place with an ever igniting fire of jealousy.

In the present society competition has become more of a trend. People try to trample on one another in a pathetic attempt to emerge in society. People who are inflicted with jealousy tend to argue, fight or attack others in their quest for victory, but end up digging there own grave involuntarily.

Ven. Kottugoda said that jealousy is a kind of decease - contagious, able to spread from person to person, village to city and finally even from a country to the whole world. All or most of the conflicts which have arisen in societies are due to the decease of jealousy.

Moreover the monk said that 85 per cent of the world is facing the crisis of war, which again has occurred due to jealousy. Starting from the king to the beggar, jealousy can affect all who suffer with insecurity. The reason behind it is wickedness centred jealousy or jealousy centred wickedness.

Ven. Kottugoda said, the Lord Buddha teaching was that all, from king to beggar, should maintain civilized and cultured lives devoid of jealousy, hatred, wickedness and inhumanity. The Monk said that if a person could survive without getting caught in this storm they will definitely be productive in the home and work environments, society and most of all will be spiritually fulfilled.

The teaching of all Buddhas born, was to value human qualities and not to discriminate other living creatures - fauna and even flora. Finally Ven. Kottugoda Dammawadha said referring to the people inflicted with jealousy that their only option is to be satisfied of what they are blessed with and to purify their words and thoughts.