Raising and praising children

by Panchamee Hewavissenti

Raising a child is not at all an easy task. Any one can bring up a child, for the sake of bringing up a child. Upbringing of a child requires great devotion, patience and knowledge of parents.

Raising a child should be done in an appropriate way, because childhood shows man as the morning shows the day. If a child is raised in a bad way, when he is growing up, parents can never expect good things from him as the saying goes "As you sow, so shall you reap".

Every child is born with true human nature, it's his parents who mould him to become a good person or a bad one. Parents can reap better results from a child if they can provide a sound back ground for the child to grow.

Parents probably have to provide children with material sustenance such as food, shelter and clothing so that children can survive. Providing material sustenance alone is not sufficient.

Parents have to provide love and affection, encouragement and appreciation and also stimulation to develop their mental faculties. In this way their whole being, physical, intellectual and spiritual is nourished, giving them the foundation on which to continue developing themselves all round when they are independent.

Parents should mould each child as an individual possessing a truly good character founded on the highest morals and ethical principles which help achieve a long term process of education in which they themselves will become future parents and be a living proof of both feasibility and goodness that a human being ought to have.

Only a child equipped with good qualities will be prepared to face all the challenges in life in a way which will bring them success and fulfilment.

Parents should asses the inborn talents and strength of their children, and find ways to help them develop and make use of them. Those talents should neither be neglected nor used unethically.

Parents must try to find the correct balance between giving love and affection on the one hand, and train them to be disciplined individuals. Harsh treatment will bring about feeling of inferiority in the child. It's dangerous because the child will never be able to be productive. Children need to feel valued. High self esteem is the core of a healthy personality.

They should encourage and reinforce their children's effort. Let children make mistakes and learn from their mistakes. Parents have to be children's consultants and their guidance should be warm and supportive.

At the same time unwarranted praise can backfire on the child, discouraging a child from trying, or persuade him that his own effort is highly required. Excessive praise also discourages risk taking.

Also constant praise loses value. Researchers have found that students accustomed to approval fell apart easily when challenged and were less innovative than others. These students also tend to work more for praise rather than for the satisfaction of learning. Students who received little praise seemed to be independent learners.

The method of gentle persuasion and reasoning will work better in the upbringing of children. It may take more time and effort, but it is far more effective in the long run and has the advantage of leaving the child's self esteem intact avoiding the mental shock and resentment that usually result from harsh discipline.

Its also a way of nurturing the child's mental development, since it encourages them to think about or assess their own actions and behaviour, in the process of reasoning why a certain act is wrong, rather than just accepting it blindly.

Parents should respond to their children often in an intellectual and emotional way. It's necessary to provide children with the maximum opportunity to explore and investigate.

At the same time train them to do their work on their own and help parent in house hold chores. Getting children to pitch in with housework may be challenging.

Begin by setting clear rules about what has to be done. Get children involve in small activities such as set the table for meals. If they don't listen, don't serve meals until the table is set. When they do that offer a simple response.

If parents can support children with their studies, they will be enthusiastic and show more interest. Rather than studying alone, children like to study with their parents, specially with their fathers.

Two children do not study at the same speed or same way. Some children are very slow in learning, where as some are faster. Parents should know each child's psychology, in order to treat them in an appropriate way. Parents don't have to get a degree or a Diploma in Psychology, they can read books written on Child Psychology. Because it's very important to know about the child and his behaviour.

Some parents due with to their ego don't let their children associate with other children. But as parents they should encourage their children to develop their relationship with others and provide them with the opportunity to play with other children.

Children always try to imitate their parents. Therefore, first of all parents should have a sound behaviour, descriptive and accurate language when speaking.

Due to the demands of modern life, parents unintentionally push their children too hard. Childhood should be a time of enjoyment. Childhood will never come again after all. Psychologists believe that modern parents are producing a society of "Hurried children" whose lives revolve around rigid schedules and who are pressed to succeed undergo a lot of stress.

Childhood will never return. So let children live as children not as miniature adults.

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