Contemporary friendship compartmentalised into convenience

I was barely two feet off the ground - chronologically speaking not more than seven years when I encountered a culture shock that scarred my mind permanently.

At Ladies' College, where I studied thanks to my Dad, there was this girl - very stocky and curly haired - an overbearing one who had everyone else under her thumb. All of them were so scared of this plumpy little terror that they wouldn't even stand anywhere close to her. One fine day I decided she should face her waterloo. The telling off I gave her took all by surprise. Its not this nauseating creature per se that jerked my soul but more importantly the one whom I thought was my best friend - her reaction to all this.

If my friend's father believed in facilitating new life into the world (he was a reputed gynaecologist of those times), she, the daughter I believe was an exponent in soul wrenching. Having pulled me aside, she whispered, "Afreeha, believe me I'm on your side, but, for now I will join her and scold you. Don't get angry with me right."

Good gracious me - there she was in the opposite camp collaborating with my enemy in all kinds of verbal gymnastics.

It was depressing. Yet if tolerance was the better part of ignominy I chose to ignore her. In later life having gone our different ways I thought, if at seven my friend was a bundle of deceit, what wouldn't she be at seventy? I've yet to reach that mile post hoping against hope, not even a chance meeting of her. Certainly I entertain no hard feelings. Instead the utter distaste of downright deceit, dishonesty and cunning all put together.

Just as much as tasty food is a connoisseur's delight, values have always stamped my soul - the end result being an aversion to insincerity - my father's legacy to me.

Much water has flowed under the bridge since that famous or infamous classroom encounter, yet its repeat performance in adulthood is the shared experience of a few, unable to accept what is morally unsound as part of life, progressively intensifying, ironically with what is called civilisational growth.

This then brings me to the point of a post-mortem on friendship per se - the term itself having undergone bouts of changes with time's passage needless to say the structured and situational friendships that arise in keeping with socio/economic conditions of given times. Thus the term friendship in many instances has meandered from its treasured and most sublime meanings only to be blown off by the hurricane of time.

Going by what I have heard - a friend is a friend for life theory is now defunct. Today's friends can even be compartmentalised and come in many forms - social friends, political friends, church friends, club friends, office and even bus friends not to forget friends ironically even as controlling agents!

I've heard many referring to work place friends as 'Peya Atay Yaaluwa' - the eight hour friend - an outcome of some unforseen, unpleasant incident. Long years back one even proclaimed "there are no friends in office - only associates," Subjecting him to correction another shot back,

"You are wrong, they are not even associates, only colleagues".

These then are a reflection of the numerous putrid experiences in swapping involuntarily genuine friendship for what is fake.

Though my classmate friend was an exception to the rule, yesteryear's friendships to a greater degree formed basis for very strong bonds where external elements could not pick holes by resorting to divisive tactics. These links were so strong that anything spoken against one's friend invited so much wrath. These friendships arose not out of a sense of control or whatever as described earlier nor for mutual gain but were star studded in terms of sincerity.

A stab in the back is what many experience in today's friendship links. "Before you could even say Jack Thomson, your 'trusted friend' filled with glee would join some other in listening to a scathing attack on you," said someone who insisted I include her pronouncement on this, my write up which according to her was long overdue.

Perhaps, this justifies references such as 'eight hour friend, associate and colleague' in the absence of genuine friendship.

Opportunistic gaps help reduce whatever tensions arising from friendship discourses which perhaps is why despite all what is acrimonious, things get back to what is seemingly normal. "Yet, strong undercurrents of envy, jealousy and other petty baubles persist," said a specialist on human relationship.

"The two seemingly get on," he added which reminded this columnist of the latest expression given such acid conditions.

"Tharama Dena Gena thamai mama eyaava aasraya kararnney. ("I associate her knowing fully well who she is.")

Thus today's highly compartmentalized friendships find seemingly smooth sailing. This time it is not only the damocles sword hanging above the head but his knife as well making its appearance felt from behind. Given the present day supposedly genuine friendship levels, contemporary humans rarely fall out as those of the past. They've mastered the art of tact, so alien to bygone generations. A constant pulling the wool over the opponent's eye as it were is a trendy operational tactic till the innocent party is caught unawares.

If you believe that there are only marriages of convenience you are doubly mistaken. What of friends of convenience?

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