Vignettes

Protect your marital virginity

R. S. Karunaratne

People in the East, more than those in the West, place a premium on virginity of women. In some villages and even cities, virginity of the bride is tested immediately after the wedding. Some people say that this is a ridiculous practice because a girl may lose her virginity in so many other ways than having sex with a man.The focus of this column is not on original virginity which is a subject of controversy but on martial virginity. According to some authorities, marital virginity is more precious than the original. In fact, another authority says that your first act of infidelity is more dangerous than your first love, affair. This is so because you stand to lose so much after an act of infidelity.

In promiscuous societies affairs are very common. For some men and women, to have an affair is kind of adventure because you take many risks while your adrenalin is running high in the blood. Those who indulge in these illicit affairs do not like to call them adultery. However, such adventures are nothing but adultery.Once a married woman with two children had confessed to a counsellor that she regretted her indiscretion of having sex with an outsider. Although her husband did not know anything about it, she could not face him after the incident. She also felt that she had lost something. It may be her integrity or faith to her husband.

The counsellor listened to her with rapt attention.

"My husband doesn't know anything about it. So, it cannot hurt his feelings, can it?" she asked.

However, nobody can keep a secret for ever. One day her husband is going to learn about it.

"When that happens, what are you going to do?" the counsellor asked.

The woman defended herself quite well.

"This is body chemistry. What can a poor woman do when she is attracted to a handsome guy?"

The counsellor reminded her that when you are involved in an extra-marital affair, you fall hopelessly for the man.

Many women do not realize that extra-marital sex is a real threat to their marriages. If you think that sex is only a biological function, you are far from the truth. Infidelity has split up so many marriages and women and children have to bear the burnt of it.Most married women fall to flattery. Men would call them angles until they win their attention. If you fall for such words, you will find yourself in hot water. Even the men who approach them with charming words and expensive presents are themselves married with children. They will talk of body chemistry and magnetism, but they do not know the real meaning of love.These affairs and adventures are not based on real love. They are based on infatuation. As a result, your few minutes of ecstasy will be eclipsed by hours and days of agony. On the other hand, most men do not carry on these affairs for a long time. They very often seek new pastures. So, you should be prepared to be left alone at any time!

Those who lead dual lives fail to realise the psychological impact of the problem. It is easy to begin an affair and carry on with it for some time. But it is difficult to break away from the man you are infatuated with. These brief affairs sometimes go into your brain like heady wine. You can be hooked on the love drug expecting excitement at every corner. Unfortunately, this does not happen so.If marriage means anything to a couple, it should have a deep significance to their lives. If anyone breaks their marriage vows and looks elsewhere for romance, they are courting disaster.

These are not jottings of a moralist but of a realist.