Only between us:

A call from President O?

Aditha DISSANAYAKE in New York

Here I am back at my table at the bakery round the corner, working on my laptop, checking emails and listening to the chatter of Rebecca behind the counter.

"It was kaput yesterday, Diss, honey, all kaput" she says, to which I make sympathetic sounds even though this is the first time I have heard the word kaput. Yet, instinct tells me it must mean disaster because usually only disasters befall Rebecca from the moment she opens the door of her bakery at 5 in the morning till she closes it at 8 in the night. Like most New Yorkers she too is always angry over something or the other. The trains are too slow, the coffee is too strong, the weather is not cold enough etc. "There was an order for forty doughnuts yesterday but before I could bake them something went wrong with the oven. Kaput. I sent Leon to the bakery on Main street to buy forty doughnuts. Here I am giving business to my rivals."

Kaput

Before she could move on to another "kaput" the phone rings. I sigh with relief and return to my work. But not for long. It's hard to concentrate when she exclaims "Hi! Obama! So great to hear from you!" Did she say Obama? Is the President on the other side of the line? I am all ears.

"That's good. I'd love it" continues Rebecca. I yearn to rush to her side and try to listen to the voice coming from the receiver, but pretend instead to be deeply absorbed in my work. "My place at eight. It would be like in the old days. Leon and I would really love to see you." Rebecca drones on in a voice I have never heard her use before.

Certainly not on her staff or her customers. And certainly not on me even though she is the only person who has ever called me honey till now. I wait impatiently for her to turn to me and explain what all that was about, as she usually does, and find it infuriating when a customer barges in demanding a tuna-salad sandwich.

"Are these chocolate macaroons fresh?" he asks Rebecca as he waits for his sandwich.

"Of course they are." says Rebecca in mock anger. "They are straight from the oven. Do you doubt my words?" "Yes." says the gentleman. "I do. That is why I asked." He leaves with the sandwich, wisely not buying the macaroons. Rebecca is right when she says they are straight from the oven, what she does not say is that they had come straight from the oven not today, but yesterday.

More customers arrive to keep Rebecca away from me and it's a good half hour later that she tells me about the visitor coming to dinner that night.

"Obama..." she says the name as though she is recalling the name of a past lover. `We were in high school together. We went out for sometime. Then he moved to Florida. But we kept in touch.' I do some mental arithmetic. Rebecca seems to be only a few years younger than my grand ma. President O is in his forties. How could they have been in high school together? Rebecca moves a hand to her hair, adjusts a fallen strand and probably seeing the doubtful look on my face says "I used to be quite a gal those days". I quickly assure her she looks good even now but my look of bafflement remains. Finally, unable to keep my curiosity at bay for much longer I ask her in hushed tones. "Obama? Did you say Obama? Is he coming to your house for a meal tonight?". Now it's she who looks puzzled.

"Obama? I know no Obama." Then enlightenment dawns. She throws her head back and guffaws. So loud is her laugh I feel some of the sugar powder on the chocolate muffins might blow off. "Oh Diss, honey!" she exclaims wiping the tears out of her eyes. "No wonder your eyes were popping out of their sockets when I said he used to be my sweetheart.

He is called Opama. Not Obama. And for the world of me he has never stood on a political platform. He drives a cab in Florida and has come to NY to attend his niece's wedding".

I return sheepishly back to my table and to my emails, muttering "kapothi" under my breath.

Kaput or "kapothi" I can just imagine what President Obama would say if he got to know of this mix up. He would say as he almost always does at his press conferences "I've spoken to leading scientists and efficiency experts and unfortunately we are just going to have to deal with this situation..." Now, wouldn't that have been great!

Next week, come walk with me under the cherry blossoms in Washington D.C.