The changes in women

[Part ii]

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Lady: I lost my Husband

Inspector: What is his height

Lady: I never noticed

Inspector: Slim or healthy

Lady: Not slim, can be healthy

Inspector: Colour of eyes

Lady: Never noticed

Inspector: Colour of hair

Lady: Changes according to season

Inspector: What was he wearing?

Lady: suit/casuals I don't remember exactly

Inspector: Was somebody with him?

Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together. And the lady started crying.

Inspector: Let search for the dog first!

Women: Notice differently

Wife: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought three movie tickets.

Husband: Why Three?

Wife: For you and your parents

Women: Organise differently

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.

She told her mother, "Kirthi proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

Women: Plan differently

Manori, a middle aged woman goes to see a fortune teller.

"Two men are madly in love with me!" Manori says. "Who will be the lucky one?"

The swami answers...." Harsha will marry you, and Ranjit will be the lucky one."

Women: Question differently

A woman was produced in court for soliciting.

She pleaded guilty.

The Magistrate fined her a thousand rupees and bound her over on good behaviour for six months. He asked her if she had any questions.

"My lord" said she, "all these years I was under the impression that all parts of my body belonged to me. Only today have I learned that some parts of my body belongs to the State and I cannot do as I like with it"

Women: Reason differently

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter:

First woman : My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.

Second woman : I know

First one : How?

Second one : My dog told me.

Woman: Spite differently

A woman was asked:

Q: Name the 4 seasons

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Women: Teach differently

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.

When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.

One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.

"Now do you understand?" he asked.

I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

Woman: Understand differently

Signboard outside a whore house: Married MEN not allowed.

We serve the needy, not the greedy...

Women: View differently

Husband: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Wife: You should have known it the minute I accepted your proposal.

Women: Wit differently

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar.

He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"

The big woman replies, Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I'm blond, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder.

Also, the blond woman sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 220 pounds, and she is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blond who is 6'5, weighs 250 pounds, and she's a current professional kickboxer.

Now, do you still want to tell that blond joke? The guy thinks about it a second and says, No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times.

Women: Xenophobe differently

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building !! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please! Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Women: Yearn differently

Resignation letter from a female secretary to her female boss: Dear Madam I love your husband!

Women: Zest differently

Women: A to Z are different. I love the difference. Who does not?

Note: The jokes and humour used above are not my creation. They are from a variety of free web sites on the internet and does not infringe any copyright. Only the presentation and format is mine.

See you this day next week. Until then, keep thinking, keep laughing. Life is mostly about these two actions.

For views, reviews, encomiums and brick-bats: [email protected]