Survival of the nicest

Our behaviour is influenced by other people. We have flourished as a species because of our ability to get along with others. However, some of us find it difficult to get along with others for various reasons.

Research shows that having cheering spectators can make a person run or cycle faster. When others are present, our bodies go into a state of readiness. The psychological boost we get is called “social facilitation.” However, we do not need an audience all the time to perform a given task better than others. In fact, an audience can hamper our performance in certain tasks such as when we have to answer a difficult question in an examination.

Most civilised people have the habit of saying “Thank you” when somebody does them a favour. When they receive a gift, they send a ‘Thank you’ card to show their gratitude. This urge to reciprocate is inherent in most of us. We have been conditioned by social norms to give something back when we receive a present or a compliment. This give-and-take policy is very much in vogue in commercial transactions. For instance, we pay a fair price for goods and services. Even employers pay us a salary for what we do.

Small gesture

Human nature is such that even a small gesture or gift can trigger us into action. Those who wish to get something done normally send us small gifts. When we receive a gift, we feel that we are obliged to perform some task expected of us. Some people ask for a big favour at first and then they would ask for something smaller. This is a ploy to make us agree to perform what they want.

Robin Dunbar: Laughter turns strangers into friends.

Doing something expecting the other person to reciprocate does not apply to all situations. When we do Shramadana or help the needy or elderly people at a home for the aged, we do them with a sense of altruism. Mother Teresa spent her life helping the needy and sick people in India without expecting anything in return. On 9/11, when a plane crashed into the World Trade Centre, Frank de Martini, an architect and Pablo Ortiz, a construction inspector, were on the 88th floor, just below the impact zone. Instead of running away to safety, they went up and saved the lives of 70 people. When the tower collapsed, they lost their lives.

Man is essentially a social animal. As a result, most people have come to know that it pays to be a good group member. The few of us who ignore the value of “survival of the nicest” get into unnecessary problems such as loss of employment and friends.

Choice

Sometimes, our choice to behave in a particular way is based on morals. We usually respect women and old people as we have been conditioned to do so. However, we come across some people who prefer to harass women and old people all the time. They will probably claim that what they do is morally correct. Similarly, some people have extramarital affairs because they think that it is their moral right to freedom of choice. Others who do not have such affairs say that they have a moral right to purity.

Although we associate morality with fairness, it is not always a force that can be depended on. Sometimes, a moral sense can drive a man to commit a crime or beat his wife. Such a moral sense is usually referred to as moral outrage. People with a sense of humour find it easy to get along with others. By making others laugh, they create a surge of endorphins, the “feel good” hormone. Psychologist Robin Dunbar said, “Laughter turns strangers into friends.”

On the other hand, people who do not have a sense of humour find it difficult to get on well with others. Their aloofness and moroseness will not appeal to others. Once, an aggressive man made some offensive remarks at a female colleague. Instead of getting angry, she started laughing and singing! She probably knew how to “laugh it off!”

Gossip

To get along with others, we tend to gossip. Contrary to traditional belief, gossiping or exchanging information about ourselves and other people is psychologically important. While men normally gossip about themselves and their relationships, women talk more about other people. In fact, about 70 percent of what we talk will amount to gossip!

To avoid clashes in the workplace and society, we have come to recognise certain hierarchies. In the workplace, we respect our superiors by carrying out their orders. In society, we respect elders and educated people.

When somebody tries to flout the rules of hierarchy, they get into problems. Forming of hierarchies has reduced social and workplace conflict. Those who go against social hierarchies, in a rebellious way, usually lose their self-esteem and fall from grace.