Short story 

The panorama

by Ayeshni Wickramasinghe

A tender leaf caressed my skin, but I was only just aware of it. Then another, only it wasn't a leaf this time. Hard wood snapped against my skin, leaving a slight redness stinging on my right calf. Maybe high-waisted shorts weren't the ideal choice of clothing for a hike through the forest. But then again, I hadn't planned for this. I had just stepped out, looking for inspiration for an artistic photograph, when I had seen the cliff from a distance. And of course, I had been determined to see what that area had in stock for me. Taking my equipment with me, (that is, armed with a camera) and some refreshments, I had set out for the forest.

My shoe decided to trip me by getting stuck on a tree root, just then. I fumbled for something to hold into, the trunk of a tree. But all the sturdy ones were out of reach. I fell on top of a few bushes, flattening them under my weight. I pulled myself back onto my feet and I was aware of the soreness of my palms and knees. I almost wanted to apologise to the squashed plant and the thought took me by surprise.

The guilty feeling washed over me, but a voice inside me argued that it was meaningless to do so. Instead of bickering at myself, I focused on my surrounding. Different shades of green surrounded me. The air was very humid, everything was wet. There were many greens all around me, a bit of brown, and where the forest was overgrown, It was black. But mostly, it was green. Maybe I was lost. Maybe I shouldn't even be doing this.

Exhausted

A tiny spark of light. That's all it took for me to break into a sprint. I needed to get out of here, to be able to look up and not see a dense canopy of trees and leaves and vines obscuring my view of the sun. It was bright enough to see, but I missed the sun, the scorching heat. The blue sky, puffs of white clouds, a few seagulls in the distance. A tiny island, barely visible from the cliff-top. That's where I needed to go, what I needed see. And it was coming, coming fast, as I dashed towards that glimpse of light, of hope of achievement.

My legs were exhausted. I had been walking for God-knows-how-long, and that sprint must have devoured all my energy. Sharp, hot puffs of air escaped my lips. I stopped moving and held onto the trunk of a sycamore tree for support. I concentrated on breathing in and out through my nose to make sure I got more oxygen into my system. I wanted that burning sensation in my muscles to die down. My body wasn't trained for these types of situations, and this expedition, in a way, tested my limits. I took a swig of water, thankful that I had remembered to bring a bottle with me. "I have to reach that bot of light before sundown, and I will', I promised myself. I hadn't expected this trek to be so nerve-wracking, but then again, maybe I was just running around in circles.

I considered the possibility of not getting there in time and a voice inside me groaned. I wasn't prepared for anything like that, and neither did I know what to do if I were prepared! But if I got the angle right, (maybe focusing on a leaf, with something beautiful in the background) and if I had the correct amount of light, I knew that I'd definitely have a chance at making it into the top 10 at my local 'Shutterbug' competition. I wished I had realised the opportunity at least a few hours before noon, so that I'd rest assured I had enough time on my hands. That view of the Atlantic Ocean had to be magnificent! I couldn't wait!

Tricks

I started moving onward again, taking longer strides towards where I thought I had my glimpse of hope. I had no GPS, but my watch told me I had been walking for several hours. Thank God, I had worn my comfy sneakers, and not some ridiculously expensive and pretty, uncomfortable ones. Just as I was starting to worry that my mind had been playing tricks on me, I saw another twinkle of light a bit to the northeast from where I had been heading. As I followed that brightness which shone through the trees, I felt in my soul that I was close to heaven.

Having spent so much time in the water-logged jungle, I was about to feel disgusted at the sight and the green moss which covered almost everything that was supposed to be brown. So when it gradually started disappearing from under my feet, I was overjoyed! I was about to step on warm, brown, crunchy gravel again. And as I looked ahead, my jaw dropped in awe. The view was flawless, and taking in all that beauty, my body froze for a good few minutes. I was surprised when tears trickled down my cheek.

The exquisite view before me was one of the deep blue ocean. Below me, the water lapped at the abrupt rise of land, the cliff I was on. The wind blew directly on my face and I could smell the sea water. The water was blue-black, which meant that it was deeper than I could imagine. With the infinite ocean in front of me, and the forest (which felt equally infinite to me) behind me, I felt like the boundary between two worlds. I sat cross-legged, close to the edge of the cliff, absent-mindedly pulling at a small daisy growing by my feet.

Pride

On my far left, the city stood with pride. This is where I was born, where I had lived all my life; and I was a bit flustered to admit that I had just begun to embrace it. On my right was a slightly longer extension of land, the highest grounds for daring cliff-divers, used only by the experts. As I gazed out at this area, I saw a few cliff-divers at the edge. Some were getting ready to dive and a few others giving them tips. Out of the 'advisors' I recognised a face, and my heart skipped a beat. It was my Alex, my 'Mr. Perfect'. I had been obsessed with him since 6th grade, when a few of my best girlfriends had come over for a slumber party and we had a round of truth or dare.

When my turn came, they decided I had to be honest and say which boy at school I would probably have a crush on. I had gone with the first name that came into my mind. Alex. Ever since, I hadn't had a moment's peace with my friends teasing me about him. He had been an average-looking boy back then, but now, he was gorgeous! His perfectly styled hair, defined jaw lines and his biceps were trending hot topics for the girls at school. But my favourite thing about him was something I didn't think anyone else had notices. Sure, his eyes were lovely, his body perfect, but his hands held the real interest for me. Oh, those manly hands!

My cheeks were burning, and I was grateful for the distance between us so he couldn't see me blush. He was in college now, being a year elder. The last time I had spoken to him was the same morning, when he dropped by to invite me to a party at his place. We were good friends, but I dreaded that's all we would be, nothing more.

I realised that I had been staring at my muddy shoelaces while pondering over my desperately uneventful love life, and decided it was high time to do what I was here for. I set up my equipment, my traitor eyes glancing back at where Alex was, every few seconds.

Swimming lessons

When I was happy with my angle and what my camera had captured, I sat back, trying to decide which one to send in. I looked up, wondering if I could've done better, when I saw Alex trying to get my attention. He was making all kinds of gestures with his hands which I knew one of his fellow swimmer buddies would no doubt understand. Or maybe my mind was working too sluggishly to comprehend. He was yelling something, but it was incoherent. So I stood, and moved as close to the edge as I dared and yelled "whaat?"

And the once sturdy ground beneath me cracked.

Before I knew what was happening, I was falling. Falling to my death.

I was mad at myself right then, for not listening to my parents about taking swimming lessons as a child. Not that I had the strength to fight the current that awaited me. I also pitied myself, thinking 'What a disgraceful way to die'. It was also ironic how I would die of the thing I had always feared most. My phobia of drowning suddenly seemed to make sense. Maybe my intuition had known this would happen someday.

I had a glimpse of Alex making the dive right before I hit the water. I had felt the cool air on my back before smacking right into the cold, hard water body. Then it hit me. I'll be long gone before he swims over 500m to my side of the cliff.

Emergency

It was so dark, and the wetness disgusted me. I held my breath as I saw the bright surface moving farther away from me, as my weight pulled me down. There was some dignity in not surrendering right away, right? That's when I wished I had told Alex about how I felt for him. It's funny how you realise the real value of something only after you've lost it. My mind's voice sighed.

My oxygen supply had been used up, so it made no sense to keep in all that air. My lungs burned. I closed my eyes and worked on letting out the air little by little. Bubbles. I liked those. Then everything went black.

Hands were pumping fiercely at my chest, trying to push out the water. The Heimlich manoeuvre? Only one person I knew was trained enough to remember to use that in a situation of emergency.

And I knew whose hands those were, just by how they felt. The hands were getting desperate and they shifted to my face instead. I felt my nose being pinched and my chin being tilted up. Warm lips pressed against mine, blowing sweet air back into my lungs. Our first kiss. I felt smug inside. At least a near-death experience had earned a kiss.

The water in my lungs decided to take the elevator, and I sat there choking like a retarded seal.

I had barely even recovered, when he pulled me back into a kiss, a real one this time, and hugged me hard, murmuring 'I thought I lost you' into my wet hair. I thought I saw his eyes teared up, or maybe they were mine.

All that mattered at the moment was the way his arms felt like on my skin, and the way he held me, like he would never let me go. His stubble was rubbing against the back of my neck and it tickled.

I lost no time in wrapping my arms around him as well, why not take advantage of the moment? That way, when he explains to me later that the kiss had been a moment's weakness and that he would've risked his own life for any of his other friends, I'd be able to feel smug inside knowing that I had actually hugged my dream guy, something I'd never have the guts to do in real life.

This didn't feel like real life at all, it was like I had entered one of my fantasies. Or, maybe I was hallucinating.

I didn't want that embrace to end, but eventually, it did. I braced myself for the heart-breaking news that I knew I would inevitably have to hear.

He looked me in the eyes and told me that the kiss had meant everything I had ever wanted to know. That I was all he thought about day and night, and how privileged he'd feel if I would go out on a date with him.

I blinked. Yeah, I was definitely hallucinating.

Watching his expectant face, I thought 'Maybe not. Maybe this is happening.' And to reply to his last request, I pulled his face closer in and after another warm kiss, told him that I'd love to go out with him.