The first step to balance life Taming the ego

By Lionel Wijesiri

I always carry a short list of important principles in iPad. From time to time I rewrite the list, but the first principle never changes, “One day you will die.” It may sound morbid, but it’s actually quite liberating. Every moment that passes brings you closer to your death. This means that every moment in your life becomes more and more valuable. It’s the economics of mortality. Taking time to contemplate mortality reminds us that nothing escapes death. Few things are more humbling than death.

People make a point of avoiding embarrassing gaffes. We don’t want to look foolish, or become the butt of a joke. The twinge of pain you feel when someone laughs at you is your ego. We all have it, but the key is keeping it under control. And it’s easy for it to get out of control.

So what does it mean to give up your ego? Does this mean that you no longer fight for what you think is right? Does it mean you no longer speak up to get your needs met? Does it mean you have to give up and settle? No, but here is what you need to know about your ego.

Your ego is very fragile and insecure. It is your ego that gets defensive and belittles others so it can feel safe and powerful. It is your ego that demands others accede to your way of thinking and doing. It is your ego that wreaks havoc on your relationships.

Signs

Here are some signs your ego is running the show.
You always have to have more

Do you always need to have the best, and be the best? The ego is never satisfied and is always craving more. The ego lives from fear that there won’t be enough or that things will run out. When nothing is “good enough,” life will not be satisfying, and we

will always be in search of something to fill this void. Find things that you can appreciate and be grateful for instead.

You have to be right

How many times have you seen how someone’s need to be right had caused serious damage in a relationship? When the ego is in charge and conflict ensues the situation just gets worse.

This type of thinking is narrow-minded and leads to judgement and criticism.

When we have to be right it stifles creative potential and leaves many opportunities unseen.

You feel tense, uncomfortable, and overwhelmed with stress

Do you always have to be in control? The ego will always communicate the need for control and safety. If there is uncertainty the ego shouts “Danger!” and rings the alarm that impending doom is on the horizon.

The ego focuses on survival and becomes easily concerned when things aren’t going ‘right,’ or as they ‘should.’ Stress and emotional discomfort is a sign you’re out of alignment and being victimised by these false warnings and defensive thinking.

Things get too serious and nothing feels like fun

Do you have a hard time taking a joke? The ego may be at the root of this.

The ego can easily steal your joy by filling you with worries, concerns, regrets, and embarrassment. The ego struggles with anything that threatens the self-concept and damages worldly notions of self-worth. It goes on guard to point out all the negatives. Be aware when the ego is clouding your joy.

Insecurity

When your ego is not controlling you, you are more concerned with creating a joyful environment where people have the capacity to talk to you without fear. You are in a space of sharing rather than controlling. This does not mean you relinquish total control or that you no longer make the tough decisions. It does mean that you are allowing others to be important and to feel valued. It means you understand that you don’t hold all the answers and that other people can contribute to the success of the company. When you are operating from the ego, you are in a place of total insecurity. The ego speaks from fear. The ego demands attention and does not give attention. You force other people to service you rather than being of service to others. A hungry ego is like a dinosaur lying on your front lawn. If you don’t continually feed it, it might just decide to get up and step on your house.

At its extreme, a bloated ego can even result in (what is known as) “Egoruptcy.” This modern term means a state of economic ruin caused by investing more than one can afford in his lifestyle to bolster his vanity and ego, usually ending in complete financial and emotional collapse.

How can you tell if you are developing early onset egoruptcy? The most common symptom is perpetual movement of the mouth and tongue, especially when triggered by the desire to tell others about your plans.

One of my business colleagues has developed what he believes to be the perfect antidote to this constant, ego-feeding babbling. He refers to it simply as the Zip-the-Lip Theory, which states: If you’ve got something good going, shut up! Put more gently: Learn to be both quiet and patient.

The safest way to operate is behind the scenes with a low profile. There’s seldom anything to be gained by giving the world advance notice of your objectives. How many times have you jumped the gun and talked about your plans, only to be embarrassed when they fell through?

Solution

Finally, let us see what professionals tell us how to keep our egos in check.

John Baldino, American Personal Development expert says, “Accept praise, but never believe it totally.” Praise naturally follows when you begin to go about life differently and experience success, but remember to humble yourself. Remember that there’s always more to learn, more to explore, and more to do.

You have to ask for help to continue growing. By asking for help, you demonstrate to yourself that you aren’t taking praise to heart. You demonstrate that you aren’t finished learning and you’ve accepted that others know things that you don’t. For example, other people may think you’re God, but you’re in trouble if you start believing it.

Don’t compete with anyone but yourself. It’s easy to get caught up competing with your peers. Sometimes you may end up surpassing them, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that your work is done.

There will always be someone else to surpass yourself. As soon as you make progress, your potential grows exponentially, and you’ll again, work to fill in that gap between who you are and who you want to be.

Make regular check-ins with your progress compared to a week ago, a month ago, a year ago.

Celebrate your victories, then think about how much further you have to go. Remain humble because you are not finished.

Pay attention to those you hold close. Really consider what they have to say. Your close friends are the ones who aren’t scared to tell you the harsh truth. If your ego is growing too rapidly or getting out of hand, they’ll let you know. Although your close friends may be the ones who will help build your ego reserve, they can cap it too.