When shared dreams wither away

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
~ Kahlil Gibran, a Lebanese artist, poet, and writer.

One love, one heart, one destiny: and who better to share that dream with, than the person you dream about most, if not always. How many such dreamers of dreams had started off full of hope and joy on their journey in wedlock, with nothing more than thoughts of shared dreams under the rainbow of happiness. Yet, how many have ended it in wilted hopes, bent and broken.

They hide their fears, hurt, pain, and tears under the smiles, laughs, and giggles of a meaningless life. Their minds, their hearts, their imagination; all shattered under the strain of disappointments, and the stream of sorrow. The strangeness of the human heart is such that men and women do not necessarily get the one they imagined they want to be with; but end up with the one they are supposed to be with, as willed by the indifferent will of fate.

Thus begins the parody and paradox of love's destiny and its path of broken hearts. The truth about broken hearts is that no one breaks their heart but themselves; and in breaking it, they break another's heart as well. Nevertheless, if it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then it is also true that there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts; and so, hold fast unto your dreams; for if dreams die, life becomes but a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

Life is for loving, sharing, learning, smiling, caring, forgiving, laughing, hugging, helping, dancing, singing, wondering, healing, and even more; but is mostly for loving. Paradise is always where love dwells and once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, it is love that will give a fairy tale life. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream; and if in spite of everything, things go wrong beyond redemption in a marriage; and if, upon familiarity has grown more contempt; remember that where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.

Marriage is the union of souls in mutual forbearance with each other's infirmities, mutually stimulating each other's graces; even though George Bernard Shaw, that inimitable wit of the 20th century in his Man and Superman, says that "marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity."

However, I believe that marriage is, a fragment of true happiness; and meant to be so, provided it survives the pitfalls. In the world of today, it is so far from being natural for a man and a woman to live in a state of marriage.

We find that all the motives that they have for remaining in that connection, and the restraints which civilised society imposes to prevent separation are hardly sufficient to, keep them together when stress enters their life. Marriage is wonderful when it lasts forever. However, I no longer believe, that a marriage is a failure if it does not last forever.

It may be a tragedy, but it is not necessarily a failure. When a marriage does last forever with love alive, it is a miracle - a life long miracle - because it takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss, whereas volatile spirits prefer unhappiness.

Dreams die, and most dreams die a slow death because most dreams are, generally conceived in a moment of passion with the prospect of endless possibility; but often languish, decline, fade and finish and are not pursued with the same heartfelt intensity as when first born. Slowly, subtly, a dream becomes elusive and ephemeral. People who have lost their own dreams, become pessimists and cynics. They feel like the time and devotion spent on chasing their dreams were wasted. The emotional scars last forever. For men, when the wife dies, their future dies; to a woman, when the husband dies, her past dies.

However, death is not the greatest loss in one's life. The greatest loss is when a relationship dies between two people while they are still alive, and that is when dreams collide with reality. The best way to avoid such a situation would be to learn to love the person we married, instead of always dreaming of what might have been. No one gets all 52 cards in the deck when they marry.

All of us have strengths and weaknesses, and the things that bug us the most after marriage are often the things that we loved the most while dating or during the engagement period before marriage.

If not, it would mean that by the time you swear you are his or hers, and he or she vows his or her passion is, infinite, and undying: make note of this - one of you, or both, have lied.

Life nourishes what is strong already. If a marriage is to succeed, men and women must stop looking for their dream girl or boy; and be happy as long as their choice does not turn out to be a nightmare.

To say that one waits a lifetime for their soul mate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting. Once you have taken a chance on someone; then, by the art of commitment, learn to become soul mates - even if it takes a lifetime to perfect.

If thou and thy woman, or be it the other way round, are too wise to woo peaceably in a marriage; all it means is that the involvement with the partner of thy choice for life is purely because he or she was nineteen when you met, and so was moved by passion rather than love.

If it is so, remember that he or she who wins a thousand common hearts may be entitled to some renown; but it is the one who keeps undisputed sway over that one heart of the other is, indeed the true celebrity. Because, the most precious possession that ever comes to one in marriage is the heart of the one to whom one is married. But to win it, one must love without fear, trust without questioning, need without demanding, want without restrictions, accept without change, and desire without inhibitions. Such love is sound, sans cracks and flaws.

Love is the passion that we feel inside of our heart, which we cannot hide.

We pretend to hide it, but it burns more and more, until the pain grows and grows and it never ends. However, when shared dreams wither away, and the flame of passion begins to die, the commitment commences its end; and we no longer know what is right or what is wrong.

The fire of disappointment and sorrow burns out the flame of passion within the soul. Thus, the fact is unalterable: a fellow-mortal with whose nature we are acquainted solely through the brief entrances and exits of a few imaginative weeks called courtship, may, when seen in the continuity of married companionship, be disclosed as something totally different to what we have preconceived; and so, will certainly not appear the same.

Then, no amount of practice of patience can make it perfect, because passion persuaded the marriage.

Thus, love in marriage becomes the twilight zone; that strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow.

When that happens, death of the dream is the only refuge, the one solace; the best, kindliest, and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, and broken of heart.

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