Creating a positive mental attitude

By Lionel Wijesiri

A friend sent me this short email-message recently. “I am writing to you from the Amsterdam Airport Schiphol. The time here is 10.30 in the morning. Over 200 passengers, including myself, were seated in the departure hall awaiting the boarding call announcement to the flight to Singapore. Instead of the boarding call, about 10 minutes back, we were informed that the flight would be delayed for four hours due to sudden bad weather.

The behaviour of the two passengers seated by my side evoked my interest. One got highly strung and found trouble in controlling his anger and frustration. He began to walk up and down talking to himself. However, I was fascinated with the behaviour of the second passenger.

He showed no emotional change, cool and composed, he dialled someone in Singapore and gave some instructions. He then moved into a quiet corner and began to use his iPad to connect with his hosts in Singapore by emails and by Skype. I wish I could transform myself to be like the second man.”

Knowing my friend intimately, I believe it will take him years to make that transformation. Anyway, it is a classic example of two different types of behaviour. The second passenger has mastered the ability to adjust his attitude about travel interruptions.

He has understood that as and when he is forced to sit for hours in airports or need to abruptly change plans, stress and anger could be avoided by focusing on a positive interpretation of the negative event.

Choice

Whether we are aware of it or not, all of us view the world through our own unique perspectives or attitudes based on our beliefs of what is good or bad, wrong or right, fair or unfair. Our decisions and actions are based on those attitudes.

Think of your attitude as a computer that can be programed. You can choose whether the software installed is productive or unproductive. You have control over the programing. Whatever you put into it is reflected in what comes out. We all have a choice.

We can choose an inner dialogue of self-encouragement and self-motivation, or we can choose one of self-defeat and self-pity. It’s a power we all have. In truth, however, people generally do not have a high level of attitude awareness.

They’ll know if they are hungry or if their heads hurt, but they usually don’t have a good handle on their attitude. That is a serious mistake because attitude is everything. It governs the way we perceive the world and the way the world perceives us.

Reasons

Our attitudes can be shaped by three ways. First, we may judge or evaluate our competencies and our judgement of people, events, occurrences and circumstances, based on our life experience and observations. Second, the people in our immediate environment, not only our parents, may influence our attitudes. (The attitudes of these people are also based on their own life experiences and observations and the attitude of people in their environment).

Third, the people from our external environment, people whom we consider authority figures will also play a key role in shaping our attitudes. (They are influenced by the views or opinions and attitudes of people we call role models).

Whatever way we get it, attitude is finally conditioned by whether you are optimist or pessimist. Optimism is empowering - it gives you control over emotions. Pessimism weakens your will and allows your moods to control your actions. With an optimistic outlook, you can adjust your attitude to make the best of bad situations. This is sometimes described as “reframing” because while you cannot always change your circumstances, you can change the way you look at them.

Attitudes

A positive attitude contributes to success in life more than anything else, according to a Stanford Research Institute study that shows a full 87.5 percent of people’s success can be traced to their positive attitudes, while just 12.5 percent of their success comes from their aptitude, knowledge, or skills.

So, what does it mean to have to change your attitude? Psychologists reveal there are four simple steps involved.

Understand the power of attitude. If you allow negative attitudes (such as anxiety, envy, anger, bitterness, or pride) to grab your mind, those attitudes will lead you to make negative decisions that will affect your life in negative ways. But keep in mind that changing negative attitudes to positive ones isn’t an instant event; it’s a lifelong process that requires perseverance.

Respond rather than react to unexpected change. Whenever that happens, avoid reacting negatively and instead deliberately decide to respond positively. Keep in mind that you can’t control situations or people, but you can choose how you’ll respond to them. You should develop the patience and grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed.

Be accountable for your life. You have to take responsibility for what you want out of life. It means that if you want something, you have to do what it takes to obtain it and not find excuses, blaming your parents, your childhood or life circumstances. It also means not to expect anything that you want from others but to go out and get what you want.

Let go of a victim’s attitude. You have to take responsibility for what you want out of life. It means that if you want something, you have to do what it takes to obtain it and not find excuses, blaming your parents, your childhood or life circumstances.

It also means not to expect anything that you want from others but to go out and get what you want. Avoid self-pity and excuses for not changing your life, too. Realise that no matter what has happened to you in the past, you do have the power to change.

You can choose a new context. Are you willing to go into the conversation open, willing to listen, learn, suspend your own preconceptions, and hear the other person’s perspective? While you don’t need to agree with that person, you do need to understand what he or she is saying.

It takes a conscious choice and a willingness to live in the present and let go of the past in order to see yourself and others clearly and not through the cobwebs of old thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

Over two decades ago, I found myself working on a team I didn’t like. A friend suggested I shift my perspective: Look at it like a light switch. Flip the switch, go into work tomorrow with the assumption that everyone on that team loves and respects me. I tried it. The change in my perspective shifted the team’s behaviour toward me. It was a humbling experience. By choosing a new context and remaining open, I opened the door to genuine curiosity, understanding, and progress. A closed mind shuts off our ability to receive insights and move forward.

The bulk of our life in determining whether we humanise or dehumanise each other rests in our beliefs about one another and, most importantly, about ourselves.

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