To be born of love's labour
"Human beings are not
born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but
that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves."
- Gabriel García Márquez, a Colombian novelist, short-story writer,
screenwriter and journalist, in his Love in the Time of Cholera
The science of love: Find a complete stranger. Reveal to each other
intimate details about your lives for half an hour. Then, stare deeply
into each other's eyes without talking for four minutes; and you are in
love. We call it love; it feels like love; but the most exhilarating of
all human emotions is, in all probability, nature's beautiful way of
keeping the human species alive, reproducing, and ensuring its survival.
Falling in love may be nature's way to keep our species alive, but
when do you know if you fancy someone? The truth is, it takes between 90
seconds and four minutes to decide if you fancy someone, and I assure
you that it is not by checking their astrological charts. Neither has it
anything to do with what is being spoken by the parties; rather 55
percent is through body language, 38 percent is the tone and speed of
their voices, and only seven percent is through what they say.
Flushed cheeks, a racing heart beat, clammy hands are some of the
outward signs of being in love; but inside the body there are definite
chemical signs that cupid has fired his arrow. When it comes to love, it
seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. With an irresistible
cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices us to fall in love. We believe
we are choosing a partner; but we may merely be the happy victims of
nature's lovely plan.
The main facts in human life are five: birth, food, sleep, love, and
death; and the two most important days in your life are the day you are
born and the day you find out why. No one remembers how or why they are
All they are told is, that mother groaned of relief, father wept of
joy, and into this dangerous yet wondrous world, we leapt. Thus we fall
from womb to tomb; from one blackness and toward another; remembering
little of the one, and knowing nothing of the other: the only sin being
the sin of being born due to the sin of attachment.
As with, when heaven's curtains are opened, night births dawn with
violet, scarlet, and reddish hues; as with, when a seed sprouts through
the violent process of the skin breaking and splitting in two for
something to die and something to be born; so with, that first violent
shove, the shock of cold air, and the sting of oxygen into new lungs;
the miracle of birth takes place. We are born because the aggregates
have risen: the moment giving birth to new memories, decay, and eventual
death. Everyone should remember being born, yet no one does.
It does not seem fair that we only remember dying and that too, until
the moment of death. The birth of a child is a joy to the parents and
the world; but how many parents remember the great excitement they felt
for the birth of a newborn into the world? As the child grows, for some
reason, the memory of this elation fades. Is it because most births are
not of love's labour; but of lusts labour?
Life is, defined by time: a time to plant, a time to harvest; a time
to cry, a time to laugh; a time to be sad, a time to be happy; a time to
be born, a time to die; and so, must a birth of a child too be defined
by time? It is a touching, intimate, moment that makes birth seem both
miraculous and miraculously routine. Yet, parents may long for a child,
plan for a child; try for a child; but birth occurs only when it occurs.
However, the more important question is, is such birth the result of
love or lust? Buddhists and Hindus might say it is the result of Karma,
irrespective of love or lust; but from the newborn's point of view, was
the time to be born the result of love or lust between its parents? From
what is transpiring in society, it seems to indicate lust is the cause
of most births, except that lust and infatuation is more often than not
mistaken for love. If it is love, how does one account for the number of
broken families; the number of extramarital relationships; the lack of
trust and violence in families; the numbers in search of love through
remarrying? Modern science has ensured one need not have sex to
procreate; yet, one needs love to give birth. The most common of all
language, shared by everyone in this world, is the cry of the new born;
and if that cry is the result of love, the most sublime act of the
parent is to set that child, before you in life.
The science of love says there are three stages of love: lust,
attraction, and attachment. Lust is the first stage; and it is, impelled
by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen - in both men and women.
Stage two: Attraction. This is the amazing time when you are truly
love-struck and can think of little else. Scientists think that three
main neurotransmitters are involved in this stage: adrenaline, dopamine,
and serotonin. Adrenaline activates your stress response, increasing
your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming
effect - when you unexpectedly bump into your new love - of making you
to start sweating, cause your heart racing, and your mouth to go dry.
Dopamine, on the other hand, stimulates and triggers an intense rush of
pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine! An
increase in energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention, and
exquisite delight in smallest details are the result.
Finally serotonin: This is one of love's most important chemicals. It
is due to this chemical that, when you are falling in love, your new
lover keeps popping into your thoughts. Serotonin is a chemical created
by the human body that works as a neurotransmitter.
It is regarded by some researchers as a chemical that is, responsible
for maintaining mood balance. New couples exalt the relationship and
think they have a relationship that is closer and more special than,
Psychologists think we need this rose-tinted view to stay together to
enter the next stage of love - attachment.
Stage three: Attachment. Attachment is the bond that keeps couples
together, long enough for them to have and raise children. Scientists
think there might be two major hormones involved in this feeling of
attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin. Oxytocin, also called the cuddle
hormone, is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm.
It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel
much closer to one another after they have had sex.
The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond
becomes. Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum
and baby. Also released during childbirth, it is also responsible for a
mum's breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of
her young baby.
So be the science of love: let alone the doubts of love and lust. Sex
without love may be hollow and ridiculous as love without sex; and the
propagation of the species may not have to depend on either, due to
advancements in science; but if you are a child born of love, remember
that there can be sacrifice without love; but never, love without
sacrifice. Hence, to be born of love's labour, is to be the recipient of
the sacrifice of happiness by your parents. It is by far the truest type
For views, reviews, encomiums, and brick-bats: