Sunday Observer Online


Sunday, 23 November 2014





Marriage Proposals
Government Gazette

To be born of love's labour

"Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves." - Gabriel García Márquez, a Colombian novelist, short-story writer, screenwriter and journalist, in his Love in the Time of Cholera

The science of love: Find a complete stranger. Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour. Then, stare deeply into each other's eyes without talking for four minutes; and you are in love. We call it love; it feels like love; but the most exhilarating of all human emotions is, in all probability, nature's beautiful way of keeping the human species alive, reproducing, and ensuring its survival.

Falling in love may be nature's way to keep our species alive, but when do you know if you fancy someone? The truth is, it takes between 90 seconds and four minutes to decide if you fancy someone, and I assure you that it is not by checking their astrological charts. Neither has it anything to do with what is being spoken by the parties; rather 55 percent is through body language, 38 percent is the tone and speed of their voices, and only seven percent is through what they say.

Flushed cheeks, a racing heart beat, clammy hands are some of the outward signs of being in love; but inside the body there are definite chemical signs that cupid has fired his arrow. When it comes to love, it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. With an irresistible cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices us to fall in love. We believe we are choosing a partner; but we may merely be the happy victims of nature's lovely plan.


The main facts in human life are five: birth, food, sleep, love, and death; and the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. No one remembers how or why they are born.

All they are told is, that mother groaned of relief, father wept of joy, and into this dangerous yet wondrous world, we leapt. Thus we fall from womb to tomb; from one blackness and toward another; remembering little of the one, and knowing nothing of the other: the only sin being the sin of being born due to the sin of attachment.

As with, when heaven's curtains are opened, night births dawn with violet, scarlet, and reddish hues; as with, when a seed sprouts through the violent process of the skin breaking and splitting in two for something to die and something to be born; so with, that first violent shove, the shock of cold air, and the sting of oxygen into new lungs; the miracle of birth takes place. We are born because the aggregates have risen: the moment giving birth to new memories, decay, and eventual death. Everyone should remember being born, yet no one does.

It does not seem fair that we only remember dying and that too, until the moment of death. The birth of a child is a joy to the parents and the world; but how many parents remember the great excitement they felt for the birth of a newborn into the world? As the child grows, for some reason, the memory of this elation fades. Is it because most births are not of love's labour; but of lusts labour?

Life is, defined by time: a time to plant, a time to harvest; a time to cry, a time to laugh; a time to be sad, a time to be happy; a time to be born, a time to die; and so, must a birth of a child too be defined by time? It is a touching, intimate, moment that makes birth seem both miraculous and miraculously routine. Yet, parents may long for a child, plan for a child; try for a child; but birth occurs only when it occurs.

However, the more important question is, is such birth the result of love or lust? Buddhists and Hindus might say it is the result of Karma, irrespective of love or lust; but from the newborn's point of view, was the time to be born the result of love or lust between its parents? From what is transpiring in society, it seems to indicate lust is the cause of most births, except that lust and infatuation is more often than not mistaken for love. If it is love, how does one account for the number of broken families; the number of extramarital relationships; the lack of trust and violence in families; the numbers in search of love through remarrying? Modern science has ensured one need not have sex to procreate; yet, one needs love to give birth. The most common of all language, shared by everyone in this world, is the cry of the new born; and if that cry is the result of love, the most sublime act of the parent is to set that child, before you in life.


The science of love says there are three stages of love: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust is the first stage; and it is, impelled by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen - in both men and women.

Stage two: Attraction. This is the amazing time when you are truly love-struck and can think of little else. Scientists think that three main neurotransmitters are involved in this stage: adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. Adrenaline activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming effect - when you unexpectedly bump into your new love - of making you to start sweating, cause your heart racing, and your mouth to go dry. Dopamine, on the other hand, stimulates and triggers an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine! An increase in energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention, and exquisite delight in smallest details are the result.

Finally serotonin: This is one of love's most important chemicals. It is due to this chemical that, when you are falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts. Serotonin is a chemical created by the human body that works as a neurotransmitter.

It is regarded by some researchers as a chemical that is, responsible for maintaining mood balance. New couples exalt the relationship and think they have a relationship that is closer and more special than, others.

Psychologists think we need this rose-tinted view to stay together to enter the next stage of love - attachment.

Stage three: Attachment. Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together, long enough for them to have and raise children. Scientists think there might be two major hormones involved in this feeling of attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin. Oxytocin, also called the cuddle hormone, is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm. It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex.

The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes. Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby. Also released during childbirth, it is also responsible for a mum's breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of her young baby.

So be the science of love: let alone the doubts of love and lust. Sex without love may be hollow and ridiculous as love without sex; and the propagation of the species may not have to depend on either, due to advancements in science; but if you are a child born of love, remember that there can be sacrifice without love; but never, love without sacrifice. Hence, to be born of love's labour, is to be the recipient of the sacrifice of happiness by your parents. It is by far the truest type of love.

For views, reviews, encomiums, and brick-bats: [email protected]

Donate Now |
LANKAPUVATH - National News Agency of Sri Lank
Telecommunications Regulatory Commission of Sri Lanka (TRCSL)

| News | Editorial | Finance | Features | Political | Security | Sports | Spectrum | Montage | Impact | World | Obituaries | Junior | Youth |


Produced by Lake House Copyright © 2014 The Associated Newspapers of Ceylon Ltd.

Comments and suggestions to : Web Editor