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| Sunday, 18 December 2005 |
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Tis the season when gaudily bright colours adorn just about every place with a roof or even without; basically entire cities, districts, country even, turn into matter-of-factly tinsel town. Streamers, fake holly and berries and other alleged decorations, mere euphemisms for death contraptions installed by decree of the government to control over population? deluge just about everywhere. They are an epidemic that are highly airborne as well as spread through infected people, the kind of freaks that go about familiar households with paper, plastic and bulbs in what they see as an attempt to spread the season cheer but end up electrocuted instead. Even the environmentalist dudes shut their immense mouths when it comes to the trees that are lit up. The particular trees in question are cut down in numbers far above that required and besides are a waste when considering that a life is being take, oxygen production is decreased while carbon dioxide is retained in the atmosphere. Going for plastic is no better since they' re non-biodegradable and such. And how about the surge of electricity when so many people decide to blind each other by bright lights? Tis the season when little children are lied to by their parents of a beer-pot bellied man in a red suit (an affiliation with a certain political party and belief) who apparently resides in the freezing temperatures of the North Pole and who in one single night manages to deliver presents to all the stupid brats in this world. Frankly in this day and age, I am surprised that parents actually expect their overgrown offspring to believe in the whole heap of shit that this age-old falsehood. I am even more surprised that there actually are a few little monsters who believe in their parents little yarn in the attempt to keep their children under at least somewhat control during the season by telling them to be good "if you want Santa to bring you a present". The fact of the matter is that most of the kids are quite knowledgeable of the fact, but merely go with the pretence to demand better presents. (Talk to them with a little respect and you can hear for yourself) And then think about this: parents always tell their kids to never ever lie, yet expect them to recover with a hop and skip when they're presented with the truth about the red heart attack patient and the fact that their parents of all people have been lying to them all these years. (In my opinion, it's almost as bad as the tall story of the stork baby deliverer and when the biology teacher explains to you the actual fact of the birds and the bees). Tis the season for the giving of presents. People inundate malls and just about every clothing and gift store in a rush to buy presents for friends and family. Traffic increases and vehicles can only crawl at the post of the local mail guys. Are presents really necessary? Is it really indispensable that we give already financially okay people presents in an attempt to receive gifts for ourselves? I mean if you really want something, why not go ahead and buy it yourself instead of hoping someone else lured by your gifts will do it for you? Better yet, if you are really possessed of some extra cash give it off to those who really need it like the poor, the orphan, me (contact me on my email address given below for more details). Tis the season for unhealthy food in enormous doses. While I am a fan of junk meself, the massive amounts in which sugar and other carbohydrates together with fat is consumed is not just overwhelming but plain scary. Having a burgher and fries every other day is completely different to filling yourself up with a table of the season?s contents all the time. No wonder we've got sagging boobs, pot bellies and cellulite walking all over the place! Tis the season for family and depression. Family you never knew you had, family from places you have never even heard of, family you know quite well and despise all congregate in the smallest of houses, by some inexplicable means squeezing all their fat into the meagre space. You find yourself inundated with questions that you are forced to answer instead of asking them to get the) out of your face. You find yourself on shopping trips to buy the most hideous of clothes ever when you want to scream that the particular item of clothing is actually worse looking than the relative in question. You are not left alone for a single minute; people even speak to you through the door while you take a bathroom break. No wonder then that holiday depression sets in. The sudden and large amounts of stress work on your mind until you are contemplating suicide or murder. Tis the season for corny movies, songs and advertisements. Not all of us have the means for illegal cable, the cables haven't spread out that-a-much. Stuck to watching normal, irritating television, you find that unless you want to see happy, happy, happy endings for movies with no story except for snow and the fat red guy there is absolutely nothing. Radio stations that formerly played at least some semblance of rock (not much chance of metal is there?) now play dashing through the snow as well as broadcast other crooning men and women singing total crap. From billboards on the highways (huh?) to advertisements on radio and tv all contain at least the obese Mr. Claus, snow, coloured lights and jingles. Seriously man, how are we supposed to put up with the madness and the certain maddening people? Tis the season for isolation. I for one find it next to impossible to stand the crazy foolishness that comes upon humankind during da season. Hence I shall be relocating myself to a cozy place and tell absolutely no one and have a serene and calming holiday with me head banging music, a lot of liquids and of course go green. As to those without my clout, good luck mate, you sure will need it. |
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