"Regift" without fear

If you are planning to do it, now that Christmas is round the corner....:

Welcome, one and all, to a frank discussion of a grand old tradition we all practice and pretend we don't. Even Peggy Post, etiquette advice columnist for Good Housekeeping, admits she's done it.

"I was given two copies of a book, and I gave a copy to my mother-in-law," reports the author of the new 17th edition of "Emily Post's Etiquette." "(I) just said, 'Hey, I got two copies of this book. Would you like one?'"

Like Post I have no qualms about regifting when done properly. Carried out carelessly, regifting is a recipe for public humiliation and long-held grudges. Done with finesse and tact, regifting can be a happy holiday experience for all - providing you follow these few do's and don'ts.

Starting with: DO take out the previous gift card. Here are a dozen rules for regifters: Don't mention it, please. While Post believes that "the best approach is to be upfront" when regifting, I have to ask: Why spoil the moment? If you tell your sister-in-law, in so many words, "I have no use for this nasty vase, so I'm giving it to you," even a person in need of a vase will hate you. I say, keep your mouth shut unless there's a good reason not to.

Do update the wrapping. The next most common regifting faux pas, after leaving the previous gift card attached, is to regift in the original, now crinkled and possibly torn wrapping paper or box. If the phrase "Hey, it looks almost new" crosses your desperate holiday brain, remember that it's the "almost" that's a dead giveaway to the new giftee.

Don't give hand-me-downs as regifts. Novice regifters (and those who are terminally tacky) often get these two categories confused.

A hand-me-down is an item you've already used that you'd like to pass along to someone who will enjoy it and use it more than you will. For example, a sweater you've removed the tags from and worn twice. You could wrap it up and give it as a "gift" only as long as another real gift is provided. A regift should be just that: a gift you've never used that you're giving away as though it were a . . . real gift!

Do keep track of who gave it to you first. In her useful article on this topic, Joyce Moseley Pierce recommends creating a stash of regifting items you can always use in a pinch.

I say, OK, but keep a small notebook of who gave you what. I had a harrowing experience that involved regifting a pair of earrings to a cousin - who had given them to me two years before. I forgot. She remembered. And she let me know about it.

Don't EVER regift these items.

Certain items are a total, dead, instant giveaway that you are not only regifting, but you're too lame to put any effort into it: candles, soap, random books, mysterious CDs, obscure software, cheesy jewellery, fruitcake, pens, cologne, videos or DVDs obviously acquired on a street corner, socks and any appliances or electronic gear the giftee would be puzzled to receive because they probably just got rid of it.

Do have the courtesy to clean your regifts. I once got a rice cooker . . . with a couple of kernels of rice still clinging to it. Some hand-me-downs can be passed off as regifts if the packaging is intact, like the wine glasses you've belatedly decided to share with a loved one. Just wash the lipstick off the rim.

Finally, the only hitch in regifting is that a gift, unlike fruitcake, can't circulate forever. When time runs out, the loser has to keep the present.

M.P. Dunleavey