Missing pages of a diary:

Silence better Dialogues suffer

by Panchamee HEWAVISSENTI

I asked one of my friends why does he keep quiet when I talk to him. Unlike earlier he feels much comfortable with me working in silence. No jabbering, no chatting, no muttering, no giggling, no joking, in fact no talking at all other than for official purposes. I sensed his sudden change, but I remained unnoticed. I didn’t attempt to inquire what brought him to become so silent before me.

He rarely becomes interested in people and quite radical. Way back two or three months ago he told me “I rarely like people, I don’t get attached to people much and very selective in getting on with people. I have a few very good friends, less than the number of fingers in hand.

Do you know, you are one of the cool persons I have ever got on with”. Those striking words penetrated deep in to the layers of my heart and I became a bit haughty of becoming a friend of such a distinctive individual who is extremely selective in keeping friends.

“You know, it rarely happens that I like a person. Automatically you have become one of my rare friends. I like your qualities”. He cast a mysterious smile at me. I was exhilarated to be among his few friends because winning his heart is as hard as moving a huge rock. I was proud because I had already done it.

We shared our emotions, grieves and happiness. Our company together with few other friends brought a joy in to everyone’s life. We lunched together, went out together, had tea together. What ever I ate I used to share it with them. I spent most of my time with them in their department. No one was there to interfere with us.

I don’t know who wanted to stop our friendship. But someone had told my boss that we always gossiped in that department and often neglected work. Whoever it was the person seemed to be needed to put credits in to his/her account by our boss.

The person has painted a totally different picture before the boss about us. Whoever it was the person might have tried to serve two purposes. One is to break our friendship and the other is to get credits from the boss.

Our boss is kind of eccentric and absent minded. He summoned me and scolded me for nothing ,just by listening to the person who carried him a tale.

“Your output is not enough. You have to work hard without gossiping with others. We don’t pay you to gossip. That’s not part of your profession”. Boss shrieked at me.

The same person had told the boss that our relationship is far beyond friendship. It’s that person’s surmise, he/she might have done it out of malice. I think that is quite normal. Because everyone tries to put credit in to their accounts. They don’t mind whatever blemish happens to the person they carry tales about and they’re not even bothered to find out what they spread is accurate or not.

My friend doesn’t know that I was summoned by the boss and got scolded. I was again called by the boss. “I have got lot of complaints about you that you always gossip with so and so. You have to stop this. Don’t let me remind this again”

“Who told you all this? I have never done anything which you suspect I have done”

“I don’t need any explanation from you. I was told that you always gossip neglecting your work and also that you have a kind of relationship with so and so. Any way that’s none of my business. But still I can’t keep quiet”

“ All rubbish”

I got up and came out crying for being scolded for the second time.

So many things happened as time went by. My friend stopped associating with me. I know he is not a vicious person. He is innocent. Some one who couldn’t tolerate our friendship had just tried to break our relationship. Gradually his smiling face became faded. He almost looked outside when he met me before him.

At the beginning I was hardly able to bear the situation. Sensing a difference in him I didn’t try to ask it from him. I apparently hadn’t done anything wrong to him. I was very worried and puzzled why he treated me that way. When I asked him what had really gone wrong he returned no reply.

I was very upset within myself that I have almost become his enemy. In fact I don’t like to hate anyone, to be angry with anyone or to do any harm to anyone. What to do? I have lost one of the exclusive friends who is rich in not coins and notes but in noble human qualities.

I was really worried. The euphoria which we had when we newly met and associated was short lived. I got to know who had played among myself, him and the administration. I suppose he doesn’t know that still. Bearing his silence I remain silent too. I am sure he will one day realise what I am, I am not that disreputable woman as he thinks who has double-crossed him.

Last week I went to him to get some work done. He was having a tete-a-tete with other friends. I too joined them. All of a sudden he uttered a verse.

“Muniwatha hondai debasing duka wedi hinda”

My whole being was filled with an indescribable feeling which I still can’t express.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, can you repeat it? I said.

He repeated not once but twice. I was stranded amidst my thoughts. The very meaning of that verse made me understand his silence before me.

True, Muniwatha hondai debasin duka wedi hinda.

That’s why he is still silent. I’m okay with his silence as long as it brings no suffering to him. If talking to me brings suffering to him I am ok with his silence. Because I like to see him living happily.......!

But for me,

Debasa hondai

Muniwatha duka wedi hinda