Rules of thumb for trouble-free living

Vignettes

by R.S.Karunaratne

Rules of thumb are rarely found in books. They represent the wisdom of humanity. In every country people have certain beliefs based either on mythology or astrology.

What is noteworthy is that they have not been clinically or scientifically tested for their accuracy and dependability. But a large number of people make use of them consciously or unconsciously in their day-to-day lives. Some rules of thumb are very useful to us. On the other hand, there is a large number of them with dubious practical value. Whether useful or not they are extremely entertaining and enlightening.

I must also mention that it is a rewarding hobby to collect rules of thumb which are available in plenty in any country. I have yet to come across a collection of rules of thumb published by a local author.

As rules of thumb do not diminish, we may have to keep ourselves abreast of new ones introduced by someone somewhere. Like folk tales they have no authors. You might call them the rules of folk wisdom reflecting a given time.

I always look for new rules of thumb to enrich my collection. If you know any of them, you are welcome to send them to this column. Who knows one day you will be able to read a big collection of rules of thumb published by a local author.

A friend who used to travel in foreign countries tells me that the use of a phrase book is utterly useless. He says whenever he finds it difficult to communicate with a foreigner he smiles a lot and uses sign language.

Women are at the receiving end of crude jokes in offices, buses and trains. What is more they have to guard against gropers. One rule of thumb says women should sit in the corner of a seat if possible occupied by another woman.

If gropers try their tricks, do not keep quiet. A woman's raised voice will scare away most of the gropers. Recently a female bank employee adopted a new rule of thumb when a young man tried to be too fresh with her. She turned round and asked him.

"What's wrong with you?" in a threatening tone. The young man beat a hasty retreat. In our childhood and adolescence we have to sit for many public examinations.

However, much you go prepared you find it difficult to make a choice out of two questions. Here the rule of thumb is "When in doubt leave it out."

Once a scribe who wanted to feel important got his visiting card printed with his name followed by B.A. M.A. Translator, Columnist, Book Reviewer, Author, Broadcaster, Drama Critic and Lecturer in Journalism. You might ask me what is wrong with that. Well, the longer your job title, the less important you are!

People have different habits in reading newspapers. Some people just read the headlines and throw away the paper thinking that they would be able to read it later in the day. But they never do so. Therefore, if you are reading a newspaper, read it in one sitting and finish it. Remember you cannot read today's newspaper tomorrow. Who wants to read stale news?

Not only children but also adults lie on different occasions. A rule of thumb to catch a liar is to look at his face straight. If he is a liar he will look into your eyes in order to convince that he is telling the truth. On the other hand, a liar's pulse rate usually goes up and his blinking will also increase.

Next time when you buy toys for your or somebody else's baby, remember not to purchase anything smaller than the baby's fist. If a toy can fit into a baby's mouth, it is likely to be swallowed. Suppose you walk into a shop and look at an item kept for sale. You examine it carefully and decide not to buy.

When you are about to step out of the shop an enthusiastic salesman will ask why you do not want to buy it. If you give a reason, he will confront you with thousands and one reason why you should buy it.

So apply the rule of thumb here: If you do not wish to buy an item and if the salesman presses for a reason, simply say, "I don't know" and walk away. Many parents complain that their children do not read. If you want them to read books and newspapers, first you have to set an example. When children see their parents read, they will automatically follow suit. Children are great imitators.

Once I was at an optometrist to get my pair of spectacles. I wore the new pair of spectacles, paid the bill and tried to leave the shop. Quite unexpectedly he held me by the hand and apologetically told me to put the glasses on and look at my feet! I did so and the glasses began to slip from my face.

"There you are. The glasses are little loose and let me adjust the frame," he said moving into his room.

When it comes to journalism I still remember what one of my editors told me: "Kill everything that you don't understand," This appears to be true because if a journalist cannot understand something, he cannot expect an ordinary reader to make sense out of it.

Apart from these, many illnesses can be identified by applying the rules of thumb. You may have heard of accident prone people. Some people are certainly more prone to accidents than others. They are either emotionally upset or less watchful than normal people.

Body odour is a problem for most of us. What you should remember is that fresh sweat is odourless unless you have been eating some strong-smelling food like garlic. To have a body free form odour you need a regular bath and washing. In addition, try to change your clothes frequently. Always wear clean underwear and socks.

Thirst is a normal response to lack of water in the body. However, if you feel excessive thirst without some cause coupled with an unusually large output of urine you need to consult a doctor for possible diabetes. Doctors say diabetic patients show a great increase in the volume of urine produced and corresponding severe thirst.

What will you do if you develop hiccups at a party or in office? You can get over the problem by holding your breath as long as possible or by re-breathing air in a small plastic bag.

Sometimes a mother may get scared if she sees a small leak of milk from her baby's nipples for a few days after birth. In the West this strange phenomenon is known as 'witch's milk'. However, the milk supply will soon dry up and mothers need not get alarmed.

Most of the proverbs contain traces of folk wisdom. In fact, they can be relied on as rules of thumb. Some of the proverbs that would come in handy in a difficult situations are as follows:

* A fence lasts three years, a dog lasts three fences, a horse three dogs, and a man three horses.

* A bully is always a coward.

* He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, he who has one enemy shall meet him everywhere.

* Give to a pig when it grunts and to a child when it cries, and you will have a fine pig and a bad child.

* Fish and guests stink after three days.