Joy, how to make it last

by Siri Carpenter

According to Loyola University Chicago social psychologist Fred B. Bryant, PhD, finding joy means opening yourself up to it. The value of taking time to appreciate positive experiences seems obvious-trite, even. Yet it's a skill that few people have mastered.

The reason is simple: We're busy, and we have a lot on our minds. There'll always be other sunrises, we say to ourselves, but if we don't hit the shower soon, we'll never beat the traffic to work. Under the weight of our daily responsibilities and worries, we reflexively tune out the fleeting, spontaneous events that can happen at any time and that, if we let them, could bring us deeper joy and greater health.

For more than 20 years, Bryant has worked to understand what he terms mindful savoring: the things we think and do to intensify or prolong positive feelings. "We all know people who are like this," Bryant says. "They're the life of the party, and they're the first people you want to turn to when something good happens. What is their gift?" Across the different cultures that Bryant has studied, women tend to possess this skill more often than do men.

Mindful savoring doesn't only enhance our feeling of well-being, Bryant notes. It may also improve health. A substantial body of related research indicates that people with a sunnier outlook about growing older recover more quickly from illness and live longer-7 1/2 years on average, according to a large Yale University study-than people who have bleaker views. People who scored highest on a test Bryant designed that measures savoring ability also reported fewer illnesses.

Needless to say, it's easiest to appreciate the good when fortune leans in our favor. But when we're ill or anxious or beset by tragedy, savoring positive events is all the more important. Happiness, Bryant says, broadens our perspective and helps us recognize ways to cope with adversity. "Bad things will come-we can't avoid them," he says.

As many a poet has written, joy is fleeting, and elusive. "But if you know how, you can go hunting for it, and you can make it last."

Here are some surefire strategies that Bryant says everyone can use to discover pleasure and satisfaction in everyday moments:

1. Share positive feelings

Let your children know how great it feels to spend time with them.

Tell your spouse about the compliment your boss paid you. E-mail your best friend to tell her how fondly you remember the camping trip you took last year, and include a silly picture.

Sharing happy memories and experiences with others-or even simply anticipating doing so-is one of the most powerful and effective ways to prolong and magnify joy, Bryant's research shows. "It helps sustain emotions that would otherwise fade," he says. Affirming connections with others, he adds, is "the glue that holds people together."

2. Build memories

Take mental photographs of memorable moments that you can draw on later. Recall vivid, specific events, and pinpoint what brought you joy. Do you love your red wool scarf because it's stylish and warm, or because its smell reminds you of your childhood romps in the snow? Just be careful not to overanalyze and lose the wonder of the moment.

What you want, says University of Virginia social psychologist Timothy D. Wilson, PhD, is to dissect your experiences just enough to appreciate how they've helped form you and then get back to simply living them.

Interjecting mystery into happy moments-reflecting on what's surprising or hard to understand about them, for example-can strengthen their power.

"If you analyze special times in a way that makes them seem ordinary or predictable, then you don't necessarily get as much benefit," Wilson says.

3. Congratulate yourself

Take pride in a hard won accomplishment. If you spent a year sweating at the gym to reach a fitness goal, bask in your success-and share it with others. Self-congratulation doesn't come easily to everyone.

"A lot of people have trouble basking in an accomplishment because they feel that they shouldn't toot their own horns or rest on their laurels," Bryant says. It's a fine line between joyous self-congratulation and shameless self-promotion, but don't worry: You'll know if you're crossing it.

4. Fine tune your senses

Close your eyes while you roll a square of dark chocolate over your tongue or fill your lungs with salty sea air or eavesdrop on your grandchildren's play and laughter.

Shutting out some sensory stimuli while concentrating on others can heighten your enjoyment of positive experiences-particularly those that are short-lived.

5. Compare downward

Comparing upward makes us feel deprived, but comparing downward can heighten enjoyment. Think about how things could be worse-or how things used to be worse.

Just keep it light-you don't have to relive your cancer diagnosis or revel in a neighbor's misfortune. Simply take note: Is today sunnier than promised? Are you fitter than you were a year ago?

6. Fake it till you make it

Putting on a happy face-even if you don't feel like it-actually induces greater happiness, says Bryant. So be exuberant. Don't just eat the best peach of the season-luxuriate in every lip smacking mouthful. Laugh aloud at the movies. Smile at yourself in the mirror.

After all, he says, "a surefire way to kill joy is to suppress it."