Manners make a man

Fundamentally, good manners are the embodiment of one's moral respect and consideration for others.

- Harold W. Dodd

As the illustrious American President Abraham Lincoln was driving in his carriage one day, he met an old black man who bowed and tipped his hat. Lincoln did the same to the black man. A friend who observed what the President had done, asked him: "Why did you tip your hat to that old darky?" "Because", explained the President, "I have never wanted anyone to be more courteous than I am."

What did Abraham Lincoln, Marilyn Monroe, Earnest Hemingway, Winston Churchill and Leo Tolstoy have in common? All of them achieved greatness and prominence in different ways and at different times. But they all suffered from severe mood disorders. This shows that people with mood disorders may still achieve greatness.

Of course, we all have our ups and downs in terms of mood. Life would be dull indeed if emotional tones remained constant. Although emotional fluctuations are natural, some people are prone to extreme distortions of mood.

Mood disorders

According to a reputed psychologist, mood disorders are marked by emotional disturbances that may spill over to disrupt physical, perceptional, social and thought processes.

When we lose our emotional balance, good manners or etiquette take a back seat. From our childhood we have learned that etiquette is the art of making others feel easy when we deal with them. As no man is an island, we have to depend on others and they have to depend on us for various services.

In such man-to-man transactions, good manners play a vital role.

When this does not happen, conflicts arise in society, leading to major socio-cultural disturbances. For instance, the recurring crises in universities are due to the lack of good manners among the student population.

In our day-to-day transactions we associate with three types of people. The first group includes our superiors. Our equals or peers form the second group. Then there are people who are beneath us. If we do not respect our elders, teachers and superiors in the workplace, we are bound to create problems for ourselves and society. At certain local universities undergraduates hold their lecturers, professors and vice chancellors hostage until their demands are given. Even with our peers we have to exercise a certain degree of maturity and common sense. Otherwise we may hurt their feelings. On the other hand, we have to be extra careful with those who are under us. Unlike in the past we cannot trample their rights.

Hubris

With all their education, some people do not behave well in society. This may be due to a variety of reasons. One major cause of bad behaviour can be traced to hubris. Many people think that they are superior to others and look down upon the multitude.

Recent events in the political arena show that pride goes before a fall. If you do not listen to dissenting views and condemn opposing views, others will treat you as an ill-tempered person. Apart from excessive pride, our own ill-nature may make us treat others in an impolite way. Whenever you run down another person, you are invariably exhibiting your ill-breeding.

It is strange but true that most people are well mannered, but there are a few bad eggs in society who find it difficult to get on with others.

Good sense, coupled with balance, is a gift given to the majority of people. They hardly lose their temper however much others try to provoke them.

All civilised societies have devised certain norms for those who are not gifted with good sense. These norms are found in almost all professions. They are better known as professional ethics. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, journalists and other service providers are bound by a Code of Ethics.

Good breeding

There is a subtle difference between good manners and good breeding. Good manners mean the art of remembering and applying certain settled forms of general behaviour. But good breeding has a broader connotation. Good breeding is a natural gift given to certain people in society.

From birth they tend to be extremely polite and well mannered. Unfortunately, this cannot be acquired. However, those who do not have a good breeding can cultivate good manners by making a conscious effort. For instance, good manners are taught to children by their parents and teachers. This compensates for the lack of breeding found in some people.

Although parents and teachers make an effort to produce well-mannered citizens, some people cannot be taught the value of good manners. Fortunately, they belong to a minority which includes those who disrupt the smooth flow of social events and law-breakers. As a result, the State has been compelled to have an elaborate system of apprehending, trying and punishing law-breakers in society. Prisons are full of inmates who could not be put on the right path by their parents and teachers.

Those who wish to cultivate good manners should observe how well-bred people behave in society. However much you are educated, a man's or a woman's ill-breeding comes out when they interact with others.

Therefore, those who know that they are not born with the gift of good breeding should make an effort to cultivate good manners. Ignorance of the rules of etiquette cannot be called bad manners because forms are subject to frequent change. Sometimes some forms are not based on reason. On the other hand, rules of etiquette vary from country to country.

What is treated as good manners may be scoffed at in another country. For instance, hospitality which is an integral part of our culture may not be found in western countries.

Finally, we can wholeheartedly agree with Queen Marie of Romania who said, "Fashions exist for women with no taste, etiquette for people with no breeding."