Wanna be liked and accepted by everybody

...Continued from last week

Do we desire to be appreciated or long to be appreciated or wish to be appreciated...? NO...! Mind you... we don't desire, we don't long, we don't wish to be liked, loved, admired or accepted... Sound absurd?... What then...? You may ask me "What the hell have you been telling us from the beginning of this article? Now you say that we are not desired, longed or wished to be accepted and to be liked. Are you sure of what you're writing?"... Yes my dear I'm pretty sure of what am I writing... 

We're not desired, longed or wished to be accepted...

We are...

Craving to be appreciated

The word 'craving' is more powerful than the words long,desire or wish...

Abraham Lincoln once wrote in one of his letters "Everybody likes a compliment". William James said "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated".

Human beings are gnawingly and unfalteringly hungry for appreciations, acceptance and greatness. And if you can satisfy the hunger to be appreciated in others you will be able to hold their attention and interest.

Among the unique qualities of human beings, the exalted among all animals, desire to feel importance is distinguishable.

Can you remember when you ranked first in the class or when you won a prize in a certain competition. Can you remember your haughty feelings of importance when you received the award amidst the huge applause from the audience. How proudly you looked at the audience while you were receiving your award.

Once America, the most powerful country in the world was governed by a grocery clerk... could you believe that? Yes, the sixteenth president of USA was a clerk. That poor uneducated clerk had the God given inspiration to feel the importance, to be great and to be accepted.

He planted the seed of desire to be important at the bottom of his heart which strived him to be a lawyer by studying law books he found at the bottom of a barrel. It was Abraham Lincoln's yearning desire which paved the path for him to become the sixteenth glorious president in USA. Nothing else.

This same desire made Bill Gates to be the world's richest person, Tony Blair to be the prime minister in the UK, Michael Jackson to be a popular singer, Sharukh Khan to be called the King Khan in Bollywood. Yes... What about you...?... The same theory applies for you as well... don't you think so..?

This desire is what holds you for a long time in front of the mirror, this is what makes you wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars. Aha... can you remember this car issue was quiet controversial in the not too distant past.

Aston Martin was an extra luxury vehicle which doesn't suit Sri Lanka's poor roads. But that garment businessman was the first one to import such a luxury vehicle to Sri Lanka. It was an exclusive gift for his wife.

You might have heard of some girls ending up with tragic stories who wanted to become actresses. They have gone for interviews and those who conduct the interviews knowing that the girl has the greatest desire to be an actress and through that to be popular the cunning opportunists make use of the girl's desire to be an actress to abuse her.

These girls are willing to do anything to get a role. I met a girl who faced the same situation. She is pretty. While she was schooling her friends used to tell her that she should become an actress because she is as pretty like an actress.

Her great desire to be an actress made her apply for an interview conducted by a popular newspaper. She was selected in the final round as well. She was so happy that she was selected and her dream had come true, so she wanted to act in a film immediately.

The director told her that he could give her the main role if she would fulfil his needs. For the great desire to become popular she had to reluctantly agree with the old man's suggestion. She got the main role and constantly she had to satisfy the old director's desires.

Now she says that she has the popularity and the acceptance everywhere but she has lost the most precious thing in her life and she constantly has to reluctantly to physically be with the old man.

"I did everything because I wanted to be popular in the society and I wanted people to speak about me and to look at me when I walk on the road and come behind me holding out for autographs".

The society is sparkling with amusing examples of people struggling to feel importance. How some people try to make other people call them with honourable titles such as Sir or Madam. I know one person who used to dish out some petty cash every time when a villager calls him “Hamuduruwane” (your excellency).

If you go to an office and address a clerk or a labourer “sir”, he will go all out to attend to your matter and help you. No need to give bribery.. of course that’s a kinda mental bribery you can give to another one.

People sometimes try to be famous and be accepted, by doing wrong and damn things. Some commit crimes to be famous. For example the LTTE leader Prabhakaran, Al Qaida leader Osama Bin Laden, Weerappan, Poolan Devi are some who became famous by doing it the wrong way. They got their feeling of acceptance and fame through condemned things.. People are forever craving to feel accepted..

Satisfy others’ hunger

What are people hungry for? Obviously they are hungry for food. But above that they will stay hungry for days to do work that will bring them honour, glamour and glory. Haven’t you had the same experience in life. Haven’t you missed your meals to study for exams which brings your honour.

Haven’t you walked under blazing sun for job interviews. I have had the same experience in my career in journalism. I have stayed hungry for hours without caring about my meals, browsing through books, speaking to people in order to get information. I cared rather for appreciation I would get by producing good articles than my meals.

People have a hunger for appreciations. Obviously more than food. But what really happens is that they often fulfil their hunger for what they need in a less amount and perhaps they will never in their life span be able to fulfil their great hunger for appreciation.

Dale Carnegie wrote in one of his books “We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem. We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would linger in their memories for years”.

If you maintain a diary and if you write everything that had happened throughout the day in your diary.. Turn your pages and read again. Read what you have written about people.

How often do you give sincere appreciations to people. If you haven’t appreciated anyone during the course of the day, of course then you’ve to learn to feed people for their hunger to be appreciated with ‘sincere’ appreciations.

Get used to the habit of appreciating and admiring people even for a little good thing they’ve done. How happy will you be if somebody appreciates you for a thing you’ve done. Others also like to feel appreciated.

Everybody has their own little egos in them.. So feed their ego with lots of appreciations. You will gradually become more popular and liked by everybody around you...

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