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DateLine Sunday, 30 September 2007

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Wanna be liked and accepted by everybody?

"When dealing with people, remember you're not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by price and vanity" said Dale Carnegie.

It's very hard to be accepted and liked by everybody in the world. We can't please everyone in the world. There's a saying please everyone and you please none. Because someone may like something that the other person may not like. But you can try your best to keep yourself vibrant in your personal relationships.

To be excellent in our personal relationships whoever we are dealing with, we must master the art of dealing with people. We can just communicate with people. Even animals can and they do. But if we master the art of dealing with people, we will be accepted and liked and loved by everyone, everywhere.

There's only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything........! Stop for a moment...! Do you know what it is...? Can you make a guess..? Trigger your mind and think a bit... What can it be....?

Make the other person want to do it

Yes. There's no alternative way for it. "Make the other person want to do it" Dale Carnegie said.

You're reading the magazine now.. Raise your head and look.. Imagine I'm standing right in front of you holding a revolver on your head and asking your precious jewellery.

Will you give it? Yes, definitely you have to give. Because you're helpless and threatened. You can make anybody do what you want them to do by a threat. But do you think it's desirable? Would any body do anything willingly if they're forced or threatened. I don't think so. They will reluctantly do it because they're under an influence.

They'll never do it wholeheartedly. If you want to do or get something by force, you will be unwelcome in other's company and they'll marginalize you and start hating you.

I would cite another example. If a student is forced to do his homework, he would do it because he's compelled to do that. But he doesn't take any interest in his studies and nothing goes to his brain. He would do it for the sake of doing it.

The sure way to get something is by a threat. If you threaten somebody he'll do anything out of fear. But it can't be used every time. Can you threaten or force a person to do anything? It's not always a practical scenario.

When the government imposed rigid rules people find loopholes to break them. It's hard to get anyone to do anything by force. We must touch their inner feelings to make them understand and through that we should try to get what we want from the person.

But there's another easy way to get someone do something. No harm is caused instead it will enhance your popularity among others. It's easy if you master that concept and when you apply the theory constantly you'll get used to it and become a better communicator which everybody likes to get on and talk to.

The easiest and practical way to get somebody do what you want do is by giving the person what he needs.

What do people need

Actually what are peoples basic necessities. There're many. I can briefly mention them here. Food, sleep, sound health, money, well-being of the family, sexual gratification, a feeling of importance.

The latter, feeling of importance, has the greatest importance of all. Everybody needs to feel that he is very important. Other than the needs of human being, he strives harder for being important. That's the number one in a person's list of basic necessities. Other needs are often gratified but the latter is seldom gratified.

Sigmund Freud known as the father of psychology said that everything you and I do springs from two motives, the sex urge and the desire to be great.

John Dewey, one of the America's greatest philosophers confers that in another form. The deepest urge in human nature is "the desire to be important".

In the study of economics we list down our basic necessities in life in a hierachycal order.

We list down all the apparent things, but we miss one thing that everyone most need and has a significant impact in every body's life. Desire to be great, seldom spoken and the most needed thing in the life of everybody.

Nobody thinks that it plays a major role in everybody's life. The desire can't be seen. But it peeps out from every action of ours.

Why do people do great things? It's simply because they want to be great.Why do people try to keep records in the Guiness Book by doing extraordinary things? They have the exuberant urge to be recognized in the society, to be popular and through that, to be great.

What about you..? Don't you like to be popular or to be accepted..? If someone tells you that you'll be popular overnight if you do this.. Do you think twice to do the thing which makes you popular and famous? Tap in your inner heart and ask if you don't like to be popular or great.. Of course doubtlessly your heart will say yes..

That's the greatest desire in human beings. You're driven by your feeling to be important. That's why you want to do things that others seldom do. Why do some people choose their career as actors, singers, models, journalists? That's simply because their desire to be popular, accepted and spoken by every body. That's what made me a journalist, the desire to be important, to be accepted, to be popular....

Why people like to own expensive and luxury things? That's because they want to be expressive and exclusive in the society. That's why some people eat chicken only from KFC, McDonald's and some other very expensive food courts.

They don't eat chicken from the so called world famous places, they eat the name of the place. That's the reason why some people go to ODEL to buy clothes, whereas cheap and nice clothes are available at every dress point. Don't you like to hear when somebody tells you "Wow, it looks posh and exclusive, must be expensive, where did you buy this from".

Super Stars become overnight heroes in some countries. Many people participate in such competition regardless they could sing or not. They take part in that because they know that, that's the short cut to become popular overnight.

They have the keen urge to be accepted in the society as great singers though they can sing or not. But very few are among finalists. And May God bless all the audience who may listen to their songs in the future when they'll be crowned as singers.

Some have already become Super Stars and of course they are popular in the society. They want to keep their popularity so they sell themselves to whatsoever companies.

They sign agreements with so called companies for quiet long period of time and during that time they can't wear the way they want, they can't trim their hair the way they want in short, they can't live their life the way they want. Ultimately they might become like puppets who are controlled by commercial companies the way companies want..

Why do these so called Stars do whatever the companies want them to do.. Because those companies give what they want.. the popularity through commercials, the acceptance, the importance..... They highlight so called stars in their promotions not for the love of them, for the popularity of company itself..

Why do people act like that? That's simply because they want to be accepted in the society. So for that they would do whatever they're asked to do. Craving for the popularity. Not only them, every one of us has that need for acceptance, popularity.

Another example is politicians. Do they really love the country and it's people. No, never, they're heartless people.

They never want to serve the country. What they want is to be great, to be accepted and to live the life of the affluent and perfectness without a single shortcoming. But they say that in deceptive and attractive way that they want to serve the country. Not to serve the country but just to serve themselves.

Those who involve themselves in politics are the ones who have the" desire to be important" in a great deal. They are not hesitant to do, whatsoever, things to get people's attention. Politicians always need people's attention. Time to time they create something which has no or less value through which they make themselves expressive.

That's because of a simple phycological fact. "The desire to be important". Doubtlessly this is what people need in a great deal. This is what you need and this is what I need...

To be continued next week

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